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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26886496">If Walls Could Speak</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylifeandstory/pseuds/mylifeandstory'>mylifeandstory</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Established Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Fluff and Humor, M/M, References to Depression, Relationship Study, Slice of Life, Yeonbin friends to lovers, background sope, but barely, just snapshots of btxt daily lives, ot5 and ot7 fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:14:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,217</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26886496</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylifeandstory/pseuds/mylifeandstory</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Inside the Big Hit office building, two groups of idols go about their lives. </p><p>Or, a character study on what exactly people can mean to each other</p><p>(The BTS/TXT plotlines can be read separately or together)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>203</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Practice Rooms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first ever kpop fic, so I'm really excited about it! It's already half-written so I'll be updating chapters regularly :) </p><p>Also, shoutout to my beta Serena for the incredible feedback she gave as I wrote! Find her on twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/jia__yang?s=21">here</a>, and read her fics <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/jia_yang/pseuds/jia_yang/works">here</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>I. Jimin</strong>
</p><p>There was probably not a single person who could explain exactly why Bangtan Sonyeondan had become such a legendary group. Though they were constantly reaching new unimaginable heights, for seven boys themselves not much had changed over the years. They were just as busy, just as tired, just as alienated from the world as they were before, if not more. Sure they moved into bigger apartments and could now afford whatever their hearts desired, but the struggle never ended. Their nights in the practice rooms were just as exhausting as those when nobody had heard of the small group. It was supposed to get easier, but as they all learned along the way, it only got harder.</p><p>Perhaps the biggest constant in their lives was their hard work. Jimin was beyond thankful that out of all their unique traits, that was one they all shared. It was ever-present in the stale air of their practice room by the time the seven of them decided to call it a night long after the sun had set. Not that they would have noticed anyway, since their windowless room often seemed to exist in a universe of its own, one no one else got to see, where the ugly working gears behind the well-oiled machine they presented to the world existed. </p><p>When practice was over, everyone was so exhausted that heavy labored breathing was the only acceptable form of communication as they collected their things in silence.</p><p>However, despite his own heavy breathing, Jimin made no move to leave. He wanted to stay a little longer because nothing kept his mind busier than dancing. As it had been for years and years now, dancing was the way he decompressed, and he made a point of making time for his own dancing aside from their group practice time.</p><p> “I’m gonna stay a little longer, just wanna keep dancing for a bit,” he announced more to himself than the others, and not a flicker of surprise came from the members.</p><p>“Alright...but don’t stay too late. We have a long and early day tomorrow.” Namjoon answered, hovering by the door hesitantly. They all knew him too well so no one was eager to argue when their own beds called to them, but Namjoon was inherently a concerned leader.</p><p>“Yes, hyung,” Jimin said dismissively, not sparing him a glance as he rolled his shoulders in front of the mirror.</p><p>Hoseok sighed just beyond the exit and through the mirror, Jimin could tell he was debating on offering to stay as they often loved to dance together, but finally, he winced painfully and placed a hand on his lower back. “Don’t overwork yourself, Jimin-ah, we have even more practice tomorrow.”</p><p>Jimin nodded and gave them a smile so with a final sigh and knowing look, the door finally shut behind them and he was left alone. For some reason, he always felt...small whenever this happened. Maybe it was because of just how little time he had to himself but it reminded him that he was just one man, exactly as ordinary and human as everyone else. It was an odd feeling, but he didn’t necessarily mind it.</p><p>Switching to one of his own playlists instead of the loop of their song, he started to move. Jimin had been dancing for so long now that it was hard to imagine his life without it. One of his old dance teachers used to tell them that they should dance like the wind, capable of being a gentle breeze or an aggressive hurricane, and that had always stayed with him. His life was often unpredictable but he cherished dance as the current that carried him through it. However, his relationship with dance hadn’t always been so simple. As somewhat of a perfectionist he often had a problem of fixating too much on details. He had struggled a lot with overworking himself in the past, especially when he was a trainee and it was a hard habit to prevent from rising back up every now and then. </p><p>His head was all over the place that night though, so despite the fact that he was sweating so much it looked like he went for a dip in the Han River, he continued dancing. Eventually, he lifted his gaze to the clock on the wall and vaguely registered that it had already been two hours. Though he could have sworn it had only been a few minutes, this time capsule of a practice room proved illusive. He didn’t want to stop though, didn’t want to go home and think, so he kept moving.</p><p>“Knew you’d still be here.”</p><p>Whipping around jump caused him to lose balance and tumble to the ground, “Yoongi-hyung,” he sighed breathlessly with a mix of annoyance and shame.</p><p>“The building’s pretty much cleared out you know,” Yoongi answered, casually strolling into the room to turn off the music, “Didn’t Namjoon say not to stay too late?”</p><p>“You’re still here too aren’t you?” Jimin huffed, sitting up and crossing his arms, “I’m sure you holed up in your studio.”</p><p>“I wanted to do some work but ended up just messing around,” Yoongi shrugged, “I didn’t feel like sleeping. Guess you didn’t either, you look terrible.”</p><p>Jimin shrugged back, blowing out some air. He didn’t necessarily want to admit just how worked up he was. It was embarrassing.</p><p>Yoongi studied him silently, causing Jimin to avert his eyes. Out of all of the hyungs, Yoongi had a strong knack for seeing past Jimin’s shit. Though he usually left him to wallow in it - being a strong proponent of working it out yourself - he also intervened when necessary.</p><p>“So...are you gonna spit it out or should I snitch to Namjoon?” Yoongi said and Jimin opened his mouth to protest, but he cut across him, “and before you say anything - I wasn’t tiring out the body that I’ll need tomorrow for a full day of practice. So you can’t pull a snitch reverse card.”</p><p>“Fine,” Jimin caved, drawing knees to his chest, “Remember when I went out two nights ago? I went on a date. I’ve been so stressed lately and Teahyung mentioned he had a friend who just moved to Seoul that could be trusted. And it was going fine, I was even considering going home with him, but when we were walking towards the car he was saying things he wanted to do to me, assuming that I’m...because I’m an idol who does feminine concepts.”</p><p>Jimin hesitated and pulled a face. He didn’t like thinking about it even now, they were rude, crass things he wanted to forget. And though he knew that his skin had thickened over the past 7 years, that people’s idea of him didn’t affect him as much, sometimes, the smallest things slipped through the cracks and wormed their way into him, poisoning the confidence he had nurtured. </p><p>Yoongi pushed off the counter and walked over to sit in front of him, “You don’t have to elaborate. He knows nothing about who you really are.”</p><p>Jimin chewed his lip, “I know that. I mean, I’m just frustrated he saw me like that. It’s like I finally put myself out there and it blows up in my face. It shouldn’t bother me as much as it does but…it does.”</p><p>There was a moment of silence, but it wasn’t awkward. Jimin knew that Yoongi always thought before he spoke, it was what made him the best person to go to for advice. Eventually, he spoke, “You know, when I first figured out I was bi I did everything possible so that people had no reason to call me gay. But then I went from being an underground rapper to an idol and I realized that as people would scrutinize everything I did and impose their version of me regardless of who I actually was...but at the end of the day I know who I am, and the people closest to me do too and that’s all that matters.  You don’t get to choose who Jimin of BTS is inside people’s heads, but you do get to choose who Park Jimin is to himself and his loved ones, so that’s the only one you -” he reached out and poked his forehead - “should worry about.”</p><p>Like always, somehow Yoongi knew exactly what to say. Jimin smiled fondly at him, “Hmph, for someone who wants to be a rock in their next life you sure have a lot of feelings,” he teased, reaching out to squish his cheek, “Maybe you were a therapist or something in your past life, clearly you love puzzling out people’s feelings.”</p><p>“Yah, I’ll have you know people would pay good money for advice like that,” Yoongi swatted his hand away, getting to his feet and holding out a hand, “So you should consider yourself lucky I’m doing it for free.”</p><p>Jimin laughed and accepted his outstretched hand, his muscles finally relaxing as he pulled himself up, “Okay maybe I am a little lucky…”</p><p>They paused for a moment, and Yoongi gave him a smile before swinging an arm around Jimin’s shoulders and pulling him towards the door, “Now c’mon, if we leave now we can stop by the convenience store on the way. Hyung will even buy you a snack.”</p><p>Jimin grinned, picking up his bag as they passed by it, “Okay, but if the make-up noona scolds me for being bloated tomorrow I’m throwing you under the bus.”</p><p>“You’re such an ungrateful brat.”</p><p>“...Thanks for the advice, Yoongi-hyung. It meant a lot. Love you.”</p><p>“Mmm, it’s nothing.”</p><p>They pulled the door open and shut off the lights.</p><p>“Say it baaaack. You never do!” Jimin pouted, circling his arms around Yoongi’s torso.</p><p>Just as the door was swinging shut and darkness enveloped the empty room, there was a soft sigh and a grumble, “...yeah, whatever...love you too.”</p>
<hr/><p>II. Soobin</p><p>If someone asked Soobin to describe what the word “home” meant to him, he wasn’t quite sure what he’d say. First, there was his family home back in Ansan. It was where he had grown up and it held plenty of fond memories for him. Yet, it also felt so distant from who he was now that his life then often felt more like a keepsake rather than a memory.</p><p>Then, there was where he lived now. But from the time he had become a trainee to now he had lived in so many dorms that it was hard to form attachments to the endless stream of apartment buildings. Even now, they were so busy that their current place often felt more like a rest stop than a home. So what was home to him then? Where did he feel safe and comfortable, like it was okay to just be himself and not meet any expectations? He supposed it was less of a where and more of a -</p><p>“Soobin-ah! Are you sleeping?” </p><p>He opened his eyes and Yeonjun’s face appeared over him, a soft smile on his face.</p><p>Soobin huffed from where he was laying on the practice room floor, “Well, if I was I’m definitely not anymore.”</p><p>Yeonjun laughed, pinching his cheek before sitting back, “You are so cute, but I can tell when you’re faking it you know?”</p><p>It was break time between practices and the room was oddly quiet. The maknaes had scattered as soon as their choreographer called a break to run to the convenience store. One of their managers remained in the room but he was too engrossed on his phone to pay them any attention. </p><p>Rolling his eyes, he stretched his arms over his head. God, he was so sore from the past week that maybe he’d cave and make an appointment with their PT.</p><p>“Thought you were gonna go eat as well hyung,” Soobin mused, relishing the strain he felt in his muscles.</p><p>“Nah, I just went to the bathroom. I wasn’t as hungry as I thought I was,” Yeonjun scooted around to Soobin’s side and laid his head on his stomach, “Plus, you would have been left all alone.”</p><p>Soobin reached down and ran his fingers through the fading locks of yellow hair. The noonas were letting his roots grow in which meant that it’d be time for a new color soon. Whatever it was, he knew it would look great, Yeonjun could pull off anything he wanted.</p><p>“No, Minhyuk-hyungnim is still here.” </p><p>They both glanced at their unaware manager, who almost as if on cue sighed and raised the phone to his ear, giving them a nod before standing and leaving the room.</p><p>Yeonjun snorted and rolled on his side towards Soobin’s head,  “See? You’re lucky you’re so pretty that I’d never leave you.”</p><p>Sometimes, Yeonjun said things that made Soobin blush and left him searching for the teasing tone that was not there. Over time though, he’d come to realize that being friends with Yeonjun was like staring at the sun, it was so bright and beautiful that it left you feeling dazed and a little disoriented. It took a little time to get used to looking at it.</p><p>For them, it wasn’t until they were put into a group that the two of them had gotten closer. Before he knew it Soobin started to feel a distinctive swoop in his stomach whenever Yeonjun gave him that particular smile because he did something silly or cute. He’d do anything in the world for that smile. As if it wasn’t hard enough for him to keep his feelings in check, Yeonjun discovered a talent for flirting. Soobin had just started to convince himself that he did it with everyone, that it was just for the cameras, the fan service that fans loved, when the playful touches and loving praises slipped into their personal lives, away from any prying eyes.</p><p>But Soobin was a coward, Yeonjun could give him all the compliments in the world and squeeze the life out of him, and he still wouldn’t allow himself to believe that his feelings were reciprocated. After all, it was the earth that needed the sun, not the other way around. </p><p>Yeonjun reached out a finger and tapped his chin, his touch warm on Soobin’s skin, “What are you thinking about?”</p><p>
  <em> You, almost always, you. </em>
</p><p>He could almost convince himself to say it. It would be so easy too, the angle they had didn’t allow for eye contact so all he had to do was open his mouth and say the words. And then what? Was he willing to disturb the fragile balance they had? To ruin and risk what he already had? And then what about the members? The company? The conservative society they lived in? He had a world of excuses, so no matter how much his heart ached, he had to resolve himself to remain content with what he had. </p><p>“Ah, Huening mentioned he wanted to see that new horror movie,” he blurted out instead, “and since we’re off tomorrow maybe I’ll ask him if he wants to see it tonight.”</p><p>He had pulled it out of thin air, but it was a perfectly believable statement. Though it was a little hard for him to explain, and he would rather fall off stage than admit it with Heuningkai in the room, he would do anything for the boy. Heuningkai had been his first friend in the company, and in spite of their different personalities they had clicked instantly. Being the youngest in his family Soobin had been unfamiliar with being a hyung, with being looked up to. But he had quickly found that Heuningkai’s pure and innocent nature brought out the best in him. It was almost a bit embarrassing to think of just how much his heart squeezed whenever the younger was his awkward, adorable self. </p><p>“Ha! Seriously?” Yeonjun laughed, well aware of Soobin’s weaknesses, “You would not last the whole movie.”</p><p>His hand drifted lazily to play with Soobin’s ear as he continued amusedly, “I’m not sure if you know this, but you and Kai are definitely the biggest babies in the group.”</p><p>“Hey!” Soobin propped himself up on his elbows indignantly, “A baby? I’m not sure if you know this, but I’m the leader of the group.”</p><p>Yeonjun got a mischievous glint in his eyes, and threw an arm over Soobin so that he could hold himself up in the air above him, “Oh my bad <em> leader-nim, </em> but who was it that had a <em> nightmare </em>last time we sat through a horror movie?”</p><p>They were only a few inches apart, and though this was nothing new for them, Soobin still felt like it was pure gravity pulling him to the radiant boy. But the truth of the matter was that he never did anything about it. </p><p>
  <em> An object in motion will not change its path of motion unless acted on by an outside force.  </em>
</p><p>It was science. How could he be the one to dispute that? When they had met, Big Hit’s legendary trainee was a little full of himself and had a reputation as a player. They hardly interacted but Soobin would regularly hear from others about whatever new female trainee from whatever new company Yeonjun was seeing. It was intimidating, to say the least, especially considering Heuningkai had pretty much been his only friend back then. Eventually they were grouped and Yeonjun mellowed out but they became so busy with debut prep that they barely had time to sleep. Then they debuted and were told to not even <em> think </em>about dating because that could end their careers in an instant.</p><p>And as Soobin’s dreams started to be filled with a certain bandmate to take on the dates they were not allowed to go on, Yeonjun never opened up about his romantic life. Even after Taehyun came out by telling them quietly one night that he felt like he was lying about who he was, Yeonjun never talked about his own experiences. Soobin knew labels were stupid and that trying to put people boxes would not give him an answer, but he was desperate for even the smallest shred of evidence that it was not all in his head. But none came, so he settled with the weird line the two of them drew in their friendship, even if with each passing day it got a little harder and harder to see it.</p><p>The silence stretched out, charged and heavy, delicate and fragile all at once. Maybe it was wishful thinking but Soobin could see a challenge in Yeonjun’s eyes. It was the same fierce determination that he had when trying to master new choreography. It would be so easy, just like everything else between them, to reach up and finally -</p><p>The door flew open and Heuningkai’s loud laughter exploded into the room, “We’re baack!”</p><p>“Hyungs, you’ll never guess what happened to Taehyun -- ” Beomgyu giggled, dropping a bag filled with snacks on the back counter.</p><p>“Choi Beomgyu, I told you to drop it --”</p><p>Yeonjun collapsed on top of Soobin, burrowing his head into his neck, “The kids are back…” he murmured quietly, his breath sending goosebumps across his skin.</p><p>“But it was <em> so funny! </em>”</p><p>“HAHA, it really was...”</p><p>“Why are you guys cuddling?”</p><p>Kissing Soobin’s neck so fleetingly that it was more a brush, Yeonjun pulled himself up and walked over to the bag of snacks, “What happened Gyu?”</p><p>Suddenly cold, Soobin gave himself another moment to lay on the floor before starting to sit up. Taehyun drifted over, and giving him a look of equal parts knowing and pity, held out a hand to help him up, “Beomgyu, you tell that story one more time and I’ll say exactly how you and Heuning paid for the snacks.”</p><p>Soobin gave him a resigned smile and accepted the hand.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for giving this a shot! i’d love to know what you think so far :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Individual Study Rooms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>fyi I mean like <a href="https://www.vlive.tv/video/214909">these</a> <a href="https://www.vlive.tv/video/190154">rooms</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>I. Taehyung</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung thought that out of all the members, he was probably the one who interacted the most with fans. Maybe it was the people-pleaser in him but he always felt a little guilty if too long went by without sharing at least a bit of his life with them. It was like neglecting a friendship you’ve had for years. Just like in any friendship though, there were moments of frustration. When he read an inappropriate or cringy comment or caught wind of any saesang behavior he would get a bit thrown off but at the end of the day, he knew that the majority of their fans were the best in the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One of his favorite ways to communicate was Vlive. He could share some real-time updates and get their input right away. Shut up in their small study room, surrounded by that familiar wood paneling, he felt like he was in his own bubble with ARMY. The best part? No chance for a manager or other employees to wander by and into his space.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahh, no, you shouldn’t neglect your duties for me,” he giggled at a comment saying how they were skipping their after school academy for the broadcast, “study hard and make us proud…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Humming along with the background music he had on, he let his eyes drift over the busy comment section. These days, they had more foreign comments than Korean and while it made him proud to have such a global audience, it frustrated him to not be able to understand them. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Oppa, I just graduated High School and got concert tickets as a present!! I wanna celebrate with you!’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Are you taking care of yourself? We’ll always love you no matter what &lt;3’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled softly, the last few weeks had been pretty rough, and all of those words were exactly what he needed. They had no way of knowing what an impact they had on his life, and that just made him love them all the more. </span>
  <span>He glanced at the clock and though he still had quite some time before their next meeting, he felt ready to wrap up. Jungkook had mentioned something about the gym so maybe he’d go hunt him down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ARMY, it’s time for me to go....but thank you for hanging out with me. I miss you and love you and will see you soon! Bye!” He watched the comment section for a few more seconds, picking up the streams of purple hearts and the ‘i love you’s in a dozen different languages to carry with him before finally turning it off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And just like that, he was alone again. The moment after a Vlive felt like finishing a good book. One where you lost yourself in the characters and their adventures, where all that existed in those moments was the universe the author created. But pages keep on turning and eventually, the story ends and you realize that in spite of everything you just experienced...you’re still just you. You with the thoughts and feelings that no one, not even the characters you grew to love and cherish, truly know of. It was a little heartbreaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Especially because Taehyung was the kind of person who felt things with his whole body. Feelings consumed him so strongly that Jimin used to joke that he was like Tinkerbell - only able to feel one emotion at a time. And sure, maybe he’s a little dramatic sometimes but the thing that no one talks about being an idol is how the more people that love you, the lonelier you feel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyung?” a gentle knock sounded on the door before it opened, Jungkook shuffling in, hair still poofy from a shower, “I was watching and saw that you finished.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung smiled, reaching out his hands to pull him into the room, knowing all too well that Jungkook purposely timed his visit, as he knew Taehyung better than anyone. (Though Jimin would argue that they definitely at least tied.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could have come in you know, they miss you.” He gently tugged Jungkook onto his lap, briefly glancing at the door to make sure it was shut before giving him a quick peck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Jungkook sighed, eyes flickering to the screen where Vlive was still open, “I just…don't wanna disappoint them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t Kook, you know that,” he paused, knowing they had had this conversation a million times, always with the same result, “but whenever you’re ready again, they love anything you share with them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook hummed, resting his head on his, and Taehyung was reminded of the boy he had met all those years ago. Back when Jungkook had only been like a brother to him. Though it was weird to think of now, their love story had not been one of love at first sight. Falling in love with Jungkook had been like learning to swim, unfamiliar at first, knowing that if something went wrong there was potential for a catastrophe. But in spite of all the fumbling they did, four years later they had learned to hold their heads above water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was the gym?” Taehyung finally broke the silence, sliding his arms around Jungkook’s waist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Same as ever. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You </span>
  </em>
  <span>could have joined you know,” Jungkook sat up to grin down at him. “When was the last time you did more than just cardio?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung rolled his eyes and pinched his side, “Not all of us wanna be Korean Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jungkookie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook considered it, “That would be pretty cool. I wonder how much he can lift.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god, don’t actually try it. The last thing I need is my boyfriend making me look scrawny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pfft, you don’t need </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I need to remind you that when we met, you were a little teenager? Even Jimin weighed more than you. I could barely pick him up back then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook laughed and after a pause, Taehyung rolled them to the piano against the wall, “Wanna hear something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course,” Jungkook shifted on his lap so that his back was flush against his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though his range was a bit limited, Taehyung reached around him, stretching a bit to peek over his shoulder, and settled his hands over the keys, playing through a melody that he had been messing around with for a few weeks now. It was a little sad, he knew that but it was a song that haunted him on nights when even with Jungkook asleep in his arms, strange loneliness settled over him. It wasn’t every night, but over the years he found himself with that feeling more and more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, he got to the bridge which he hadn’t been able to quite finish just yet so he let the notes slowly fade into silence. It was the first time he played the song for anybody else but he wasn’t quite sure why he had chosen now over all the other times he had been alone with Jungkook and a piano. “What do you think?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The younger twisted in his arms, a telltale crease between his brows that meant he was trying to puzzle something out, “It’s beautiful. But Tae, are you — is...is everything okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung just smiled. Yes and no. He had a loving, committed relationship, a successful career, friends that cared for him, fans that adored him, more money than he ever could have wished for. What kind of selfish asshole would he be to demand more? If life kept any kind of balance he had already gotten more than his share. Still, though, he found that it was hard to ignore the yearning inside him at times. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But words and emotions had never been his strong suit, so he had no way to explain the weird, staticky condition his thoughts had taken lately. Jungkook knew all of this, could tune into his frequency when others could not, but when he raised a hand to cup his cheek the crease between his brows didn’t disappear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung leaned into the touch, “Hmmm, I’ve been composing a lot lately. Most of it is about you. But, also about me. I think I'm starting to get to know a new version of myself but I’m not sure I like him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you introduce us when you’re ready?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” he said because he knew there was nothing he’d deny this boy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook smiled back, leaning down to kiss him properly, and though they had kissed a thousand times before, to Taehyung it never got old. Being with Jungkook was coming home, everything about him was familiar and safe. The smell of the shampoo they shared, the cologne Seokjin gifted Jungkook every year, the mole on his face, the taste of his chapstick, the creases under his eyes. He could fill pages with the small things that made Jungkook so uniquely himself and still doubt he did him justice. Taehyung pulled back lazily to kiss the pulse underneath Jungkook’s ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was just starting to wonder how much they could squeeze in before the door flew open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aha! I knew it!” Jimin gloated from the doorway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung groaned and pulled back against the chair, “You didn’t lock the door Kook.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you two weren’t planning on doing anything too nasty in here,” Jimin strolled into the room and threw himself down on the small couch across from the keyboard, “We have a no fucking in the office rule for a reason.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them rolled their eyes simultaneously, “We weren’t, hyung!” Jungkook quipped, kicking at his knee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jimin eyed them from his spot on the couch, “Did you two fight? Because if you’re breaking up, Tae I’m sorry but Jungkook’s last birthday gift lands me solely on his side.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though Taehyung knew he was teasing, there was still a note of concern in his voice. After all, Jimin had been their strongest supporter, aware of Taehyung’s feelings before he admitted them to himself and ending the casual friends with benefits relationship they had to steer him in the right direction. He’d been the first to know when they finally got together and by their side when they told the members and eventually some of their managers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought we were soulmates Jiminie, I didn’t know you were so fickle,” Taehyung teased back, “But no, we weren’t fighting, don’t you worry your cute little head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> soulmates Taetae, but my cute head just likes to strategize...”  Jimin slid sideways to lay on his back, “So anyway, what do you guys think are the odds that a saesang breaks into the building so that our meeting gets canceled and we can go home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook laughed, “You know this meeting is gonna happen even if a meteorite crashes through the roof. It's been planned for years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, and I’ve been dreading it all that long. I hate talking about it. About change, about the military, about being separated,” Jimin sighed, sitting up again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know that we’ll always be together no matter what. Don’t let it get to you,” Taehyung said as Jungkook stood up to pull Jimin in a hug, “We’ll get through this just like everything else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stood up as well and hugged Jimin’s back so he was trapped between them, “So we should probably get going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jimin giggled from between them, “Okay fine, new idea: we come out as a throuple to sabotage the meeting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The three of them laughed but eventually pulled away to leave the room.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>II. Beomgyu</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Silently saying a prayer to whatever god of math there was out there, Beomgyu held his breath and flipped his book to the answer section. No luck, his answer was a negative whole number and the one in the book was a positive decimal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahhh, Taehyun I got it wrong again! This has to be printed wrong,” He threw his pencil down in disgust and looked up from where he was sprawled on the floor, “Help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyun sighed from the desk in front of him, “You know the reason they gave each one of us our own studio is so that we would have our space to work,” he spun around, “and not create a fire hazard in one small room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I’m gonna have to graduate a year late because of the group, the least you could do is help me,” Beomgyu pouted, “I have to get something out of being in the same grade as my dongsaeng.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re only one year older than me, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hyung,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Taehyun said flatly but after a moment held out his hand for the workbook.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yay!” Beomgyu handed it over and rolled onto his back. He might whine and complain about it a lot but secretly he loved being in the same grade as the maknaes. Being an idol in highschool was already isolating enough, he couldn’t imagine doing it on his own. It was kind of like going to the same grade as your siblings, annoying at times but at least you’re guaranteed friends. And in his case, his siblings were going through the exact same things as him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was almost weird to think about because if they had just been ordinary students in school he wasn’t sure they would have been friends. Hueningkai could be pretty shy and Taehyun kept mostly to himself while he was a born extrovert, so they probably would have run in different circles. He was glad they had each other though, it was hard to imagine daily life without all of his members now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You took an integral instead of a derivative. They’re opposite operations, you really should not be getting them confused.” Taehyun passed back the notebook now annotated with the right process, “Try again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu pulled a face, not making a move to get back to work, “Taehyun-ah, when do you think we’ll go to school again? I kinda hope it’s next Tuesday…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? Tuesdays are math, and we just established that you need a little more work before the test.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu tilted his head back to give him a look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...don’t tell me it’s because of Haemin. She never even talks to us! I thought you were over that,” Taehyun shook his head with disapproval, turning back to the desk</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu knew it was a pointless crush. He had no more chance of dating this girl than he did of moving back to Daegu for good. His life didn’t allow it anymore. Still, it was nice to pretend to be a normal teenager every once in a while, “She’s just so pretty...seriously, so pretty. She’s also really nice. I don’t think I told you but one time just before Hueningkai and I walked into class Dongwoo and Jaebom were making fun of cat and dog and she told them to knock it off. She’s so sweet. Also pretty, did you see her last month with her hair down?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess she is, objectively speaking - ”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“- objectively?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gay, hyung. Anyways, she’s nice but you shouldn’t dwell on it much. Unrequited crushes are shit for your mental health,” Taehyun paused his writing, “the more you think about them, the harder it’ll be when you finally have to give them up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyun sounded like he spoke from experience but Beomgyu decided not to prod him. He was horrible at heart-to-heart conversations, so he preferred to leave them to Soobin or even Yeonjun. If Taehyun wanted to talk about it with him, he would have said so. That was something he deeply appreciated about him, his straight-forwardness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you’re right, I just wish…” he sighed, knowing it was pointless. He was happy and thankful for the life he had, there were just certain things he wished he didn’t have to give up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll get easier. Remember what Jimin-sunbaenim said? The first three years are the hardest. Now if you don’t get back to work, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>will </span>
  </em>
  <span>kick you out.” Taehyun gave him a stern look over his shoulder, but a smile lingered on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they fell into calm silence, Beomgyu rolled back onto his stomach and set to work on determining what exactly caused an integral to pose for a derivative. The minutes ticked by but he didn’t bother to check the time. He knew that if he had to be anywhere Taehyun would say something. That or a manager would come to hunt them down. There was always someone out there that knew his schedule better than him so he gave up on keeping track of it a long time ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was finishing up another set of problems when the door swung open and slammed into his ankle. “AH!” he shrieked, curling his legs up against his chest, trying to blink the tears away from his eyes, “Hueningkai! Knock!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hueningkai stood in the doorway, trying to contain a giant grin, “Oh! Sorry! I didn’t know you were there!” He let out a snicker as he stepped over him to get into the room, “I just came looking for you guys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you you were a fire hazard,” Taehyun laughed, pulling his legs up to make more room, “What’s up Hyuka?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, is this the math homework? I haven’t done - ” Hueningkai crouched over the books on the floor but before he could get a real good look, Beomgyu slammed them shut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you think you’re copying off me after that, think again!” Beomgyu huffed, sitting up and gathering his things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah hyung, I said I was sorry,” Hueningkai giggled, trying to reach for the book, “You already got help from Taehyunie, it’s not fair!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu shrugged, swatting away his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyuka! What did you want?” Taehyun intervened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah! Soobin-hyung wants to start practice a little early. Him and Yeonjun-hyung already left for the practice room while I came to get you guys.” Hueningkai said, pulling a slight face near the end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu squinted at him while Taehyun gathered up his own stuff, “What? You made a face when you mentioned the hyungs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hueningkai shrugged, standing up, “They were just...being kinda weird. Seriously, Yeonjun-hyung cannot keep his hands to himself, it’s a little cringy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu snorted, standing up as well. He knew that Yeonjun was extremely tactile, especially with Soobin, but he figured that it was just how he was. He was an affectionate hyung. “Please, you and Soobin-hyung are </span>
  <em>
    <span>the</span>
  </em>
  <span> most cringy whenever there’s a camera around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hueningkai pulled another face, “What? He’s the one following </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>around! It’s not my fault I’m so cute—” Beomgyu swatted him with his books —“Ow! Plus they’re a different kind of cringy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyun rolled his eyes at them and shoved them towards the door, “You two are such idiots sometimes. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? Do you know something Taehyun-ah?” Beomgyu rounded on him. Okay, he would admit that sometimes the smallest things went over his head but one of his biggest pet peeves was when Taehyun refused to tell them something until they figured it out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyun gave them a look as they stepped through the door, “Forget it, I’m sure you guys will figure it out eventually.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>feel free to leave a comment with what you think so far and follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/jjmncore">twitter</a> :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Artist Lounge</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>I. Namjoon</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Namjoon and Seokjin had been sitting in silence for nearly an hour, typing side by side when Jungkook came into the room and with the air of someone who was trying to come up with an excuse, settled across from them at the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, when I texted the group chat saying Namjoon and I were having the time of our lives preparing these documents, I was joking,” Seokjin finally mused as Jungkook turned his phone on and off again for the third time in the five minutes, “I take my role as the comedic backbone of Bangtan very seriously Jungkook-ah, so I hope you’re not having trouble picking out my jokes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Namjoon snorted, finishing up another paragraph as Jungkook rolled his eyes and stretched out his arms in front of him, “Hyung, you are not the comedic backbone of the group. Jimin-hyung’s been a lot funnier than you lately.” He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s only because he takes after me! All of you kids are only funny because I am.” Seokjin exclaimed, turning his computer towards Namjoon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them were working on an official request for the company. As leader, Namjoon always took the lead on this type of thing but Yoongi and Seokjin typically rotated in helping him out. He knew it was boring work, and that they probably only did it due to being the oldest so he was always thankful for their support.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he leaned in to scan over Seokjin’s screen, Jungkook put his head down on the table. “I just wanted to see what you guys were up to, I have some free time right now…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokjin and Namjoon exchanged a look. Jungkook was terrible at asking for help so whenever he wanted to talk to any of them about his problems he had a habit of lingering around until either he got the courage to ask or they coaxed it out of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we’re being pretty boring right now,” Namjoon said, nodding at the screen before turning the computer back to Seokjin, “Isn’t Tae recording or something? You could go watch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook made a vague noise of assent, flipping his phone on the table, “No, I don’t wanna bother him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokjin glanced at Namjoon, mouthing the word </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘relationship’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>before quickly jabbing a finger at him. Okay yes, Namjoon was the one with the most relationship expertise but that didn’t automatically mean it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>him </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jungkook wanted to talk to. He subtly shook his head back, mouthing back, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘You’re his favorite’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Seokjin tried to keep the pleased look off his face but didn’t do a great job as he continued typing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, of course, the nation’s it couple is always so considerate of each other,” Seokjin tutted, “Aigoo, our Jungkookie is so lucky.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We're not the nation’s it couple…” Jungkook mumbled back, sitting up and propping his head on his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a beat of silence before Seokjin slid the computer towards Namjoon again.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Trouble in paradise. He wants to talk to you. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He had typed and highlighted at the bottom of the document. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Last time I thought there was, they were just planning for their anniversary. You talk to him. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Namjoon typed underneath and pushed the computer back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not that he didn’t want to talk to Jungkook -</span>
  <span> he loved a good heart-to-heart - but he had a poor history of misreading what the members were going through and giving out completely unrelated advice. Like the one time he thought Yoongi was being distant and cold over Jimin eating his yogurt so Namjoon had sat him down and lectured about being a family and teamwork for 15 minutes before Yoongi finally interrupted and said he had just been trying not to give them the cold he thought he was getting, and that he had no idea Jimin had even eaten his food. So yeah, he had since then decided that it was best to let the others come to him and explicitly state the problem.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokjin squinted at his screen briefly before letting out an overly dramatic yawn and stretching his arms. “Whew! I am knackered! Maybe I am getting old...Namjoon-ah, you can finish this on your own right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Namjoon frowned at him, “It’s only like 9pm!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don't get to decide how </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>body feels,” Seokjin pushed back his chair and stood, gathering up his things, “You’ll understand when you get to be my age. You stay here and help our leader instead, okay, Jungkook?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...okay…” Jungkook answered, looking mildly suspicious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokjin rounded the table and gave Jungkook’s head a rub like he was petting a dog, “You’re such a good boy. Bye then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook finally laughed as Namjoon called out, “Wait - Jin-hyung!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the older waved him off and left the room with a wink. Namjoon just sighed and slumped down at his laptop again, eyeing Jungkook warily. They </span>
  <em>
    <span>were </span>
  </em>
  <span>almost done, so he could probably wrap things up on his own. Still, though, he wasn’t sure if it was best to try and prod Jungkook now or leave it until he was finished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So...has Taehyung shown you anything new from his mixtape?” He tried, making an effort to look like he was still typing on his computer. “He played me a demo last month and it was so good, totally different from anything we’ve done before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook let out a small sigh and Namjoon thought that maybe Seokjin had been right after all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He did, it was beautiful...” Jungkook frowned a little at the table, “but Namjoon-hyung, can I talk to you about something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bingo. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Namjoon smiled and closed his computer, “Of course you can, Jungkook-ah. What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook didn’t answer right away but Namjoon didn’t push, just let him sit and mull over whatever it was he wanted to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember when right before debut, Yoongi-hyung was going through a difficult time?” He finally spoke, his tone still a little unsure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Namjoon frowned, caught off-guard. That was not what he had been expecting. Yoongi had probably gone through the worst period of his depression when they were trainees. Life was pretty miserable for all of them back then, but Yoongi had struggled the most out of everybody. However, at the request of him, and because they had just been so young, the four oldest had kept their maknaes mostly in the dark about it. When Namjoon had to take Yoongi to the hospital they had told them that he had strep, and when afterward he couldn’t be left alone, Seokjin, Hoseok, and himself had taken turns to watch over him as discreetly as possible for a few weeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Obviously, the three youngest weren’t stupid and knew that Yoongi had gone through shit, but they didn’t truly know the full extent of it. “I do.” He finally answered, “Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook chewed his lip thoughtfully, eyes on the black screen of his phone as he twirled it thoughtlessly, “You know, back then I knew you guys were probably not telling me the full truth, but I was okay with it. I should have not been but I think I was freaked out about knowing everything that was really going on because then I would have had to deal with it on top of my own issues. Thinking back on it now, that was pretty fucking selfish of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Jungkook, you were </span>
  <em>
    <span>fifteen. </span>
  </em>
  <span>We didn’t tell you for a reason.” Namjoon leaned in, folding his hands over his laptop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but I’m not fifteen anymore. I shouldn’t be scared to help the people that I love anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Namjoon frowned, trying to see where he was going with this. Wondering if maybe Jungkook should be having this conversation with Yoongi instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you broke up with Seri-noona, you told us it was because you thought you couldn’t be the boyfriend she needed.” Jungkook continued and Namjoon felt his heart squeeze a little at the name, “How do you know though, what someone needs you to be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seri’s name still sent a twinge to his heart, which no surprise considering every song he had written for the album they were currently working on had been about her. They had met while she was working as one of their make-up artists during her gap year. Normally, Namjoon was the king of professionalism, and had never had the problem of boundaries with his staff. But Seri had taken him completely by storm and before he knew it he had fallen for her. They waited until she went back to school to start dating and then had been together for three years. He had been pretty sure she was the one. Still kind of was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But after she graduated and started moving towards a part of her life that he had signed away when he decided to become an idol, he realized that he was just holding her back. So he had broken up with her. Namjoon didn’t dwell often on the things he lost to gain the life he had now, never saw the point in it, but she had been the first thing to make him wonder if it was all worth it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have an answer for you,” Namjoon gave him a rueful look, “I mean, do </span>
  <em>
    <span>we </span>
  </em>
  <span>even know what </span>
  <em>
    <span>we </span>
  </em>
  <span>need? With Seri...it was more that I couldn’t give her the life she wanted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook seemed a little unsatisfied with the answer, “I think Tae’s going through something, and I wanna help but it kinda scares me to do the wrong thing,” he let out a frustrated sigh, “I’ve never been good at not being good at something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish I could tell you what to do to be the perfect boyfriend, but that’s impossible. I know that first hand. All you can do is try to receive what the other person gives and give back when you see them in need.” Namjoon reached over and affectionately squeezed his hand, “I know you always do your best Kook-ah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, hyung…” Jungkook whispered, still not quite meeting his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Namjoon’s phone buzzed but he ignored it, “But listen - don’t tear yourself apart either, okay? You tend to lose yourself when you focus on something but Taehyung wouldn’t want you to break yourself down trying to build him up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His phone started to ring but he waited for Jungkook to nod before sitting back and answering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyuuuung,” Jimin whined so loudly that Namjoon pulled the phone back. </span>
  <span>“Can you come over here and tell Yoongi-hyung to give me the song him and Hobi-hyung just wrote?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s for IU, Jimin-ah!” Yoongi yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do think Jimin could sing it better,” Hoseok’s voice called from the background.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See! Come over here and sort him out. If Jungkook’s with you bring him too, we could turn it into a duet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hoseok don’t take his side - ”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ Hurry!” Jimin said and hung up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Namjoon shook his head and put down the phone, “Well, I found something more interesting for us to do. Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, and Jimin-hyung was so loud I heard it all,” Jungkook said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, we can go then,” he started packing up his things but stopped for a moment, “One more thing, you know that no matter what happens we’ll support you both, right? We made multiple contingency plans when you started dating for a reason.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook smiled fondly, standing up, “I know. I promise I’m okay. I do feel better about things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Namjoon beamed back before standing as well.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>II. Yeonjun</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun had a secret. Well, he had many secrets, and they ranged from pinky promises to ones he’d take to the grave. This particular secret fell somewhere in between. It terrified him but </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span> he would admit it if his life was at risk. Beomgyu’s? He’d consider it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That secret was: he was irrevocably in love with Choi Soobin. It was such a simple secret but at the same time, it wasn’t. In fact, the reason he might be a little hesitant to save Beomgyu’s life over it (aside from the fact that last week Beomgyu erased his save file after Yeonjun had lent him a game) was that the truth behind this secret would change him forever. He was scared of the fact that admitting it would make things real and difficult. And since he was the kind of person that ran away from the threat of any rejection, and Soobin was too precious for him to lose any bit of him, the secret stayed a secret. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As a trainee, when the name </span>
  <em>
    <span>Soobin </span>
  </em>
  <span>was still just a name, he had only dated girls and it had never lasted more than a few weeks. It got a little exhausting sometimes but trainee life also taught him discipline. He had every excuse in the book to move on so quickly, and he was never cruel about it, always honest and transparent with his intentions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then he had met Soobin and everything was different. Soobin was patient and kind and loyal and loving and beautiful and ethereal all at the same time. He was something out of a fairy tale, and Yeonjun was so mesmerized by him that he was scared to turn the page for fear that the story would end. Though he could not know what happened next, he thought that he would never grow tired of rereading the same part.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes stories contain a plot twist you didn't see coming though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you don’t want some?” Taehyun called as he poured some tea into a mug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s okay,” Yeonjun answered from where he was sprawled across the room on the large blue couch, still half-asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyun wandered over to sit down, “Thanks again for coming with me, hyung.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At this, Yeonjun opened his eyes to make sure Taehyun didn’t even have the slightest chance to feel like a burden, “Hey, it’s nothing. I was gonna have to go too eventually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyun just hummed back because they both knew that Yeonjun didn’t have to go to the dentist at the same time as him, especially since it meant waking up a full three and half hours before everyone else but Taehyun hated going places alone and Yeonjun took his role as oldest seriously. Soobin had offered to go instead but Yeonjun knew that if their leader tried waking up that early, he would be dead on his feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t mind much. Plus it left them with some downtime before the others showed up at the agency building. Yeonjun originally planned to get some sleep, but unfortunately, his mind had other plans. Like always, he couldn’t stop thinking about Soobin, and the silly joke he made last night. For all the flirting he did, Yeonjun could still never get enough of him. He didn’t allow himself to, always made sure that he dialed it up on camera so he could pass it off as fan service if necessary, and when they were alone always pulled back at the last minute. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Taehyunie?” He opened his eyes and stared at Taehyun who was reading something on his phone, “Can I ask you something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever been in love?” He felt incredibly childish asking, but the truth of the matter was that as the oldest he didn’t really have anyone else to talk about these things with, and in spite of being three years younger than him, Taehyun always proved an incredible friend to go to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyun didn’t laugh at his question, just put his phone down and gave him a look that made Yeonjun look away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I haven’t, at least I don’t think I have. But I liked someone so much that they were all I thought about for a long time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun turned to look at him again, “Why don’t you think it was love?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I figured out they liked someone else,” Taehyun met his eyes evenly, something like sadness in his gaze, “And I decided to give up. I think if it was love I would have fought harder for him, or at least have been brave enough to tell him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun felt a tightening in his chest, a bit heartbroken for him, he had no idea that Taehyun had ever felt this way. He also felt ashamed that he had been too consumed with his own problems to pay attention. Taehyun read his gaze and squeezed his leg before Yeonjun could say anything else, “Hyung, if you love someone you should let them know. People deserve to be cherished and know that they're loved. I wish I could have been that for him. I know that he’s so good and kind and gentle it doesn’t feel real. But it’s not fair to give him so much but also so little at the same time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Yeonjun was 10, his cousin called an idol on TV a slur and his aunt had only told him off for saying it in front of her, not for using the word. Yeonjun had panicked then, the desire to be an idol himself already budding in him. He felt like someone was attacking a part of him without even knowing it and it felt incredibly vulnerable. This felt similar, but this time he knew there was not an ounce of malice in Taehyun’s tone, only empathy, and understanding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun sat up, heart pounding, “Who?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soobin-hyung.” Taehyun gave him another small smile, and Yeonjun knew that he was answering the </span>
  <em>
    <span>who </span>
  </em>
  <span>for both of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Taehyun-ah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyun sat back, tilting his head back against the wall, “It was when we were trainees. I got over it eventually. Realized it was a lost cause,” He glanced over, “I promise you I don’t feel that way anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Taehyun-ah…” Yeonjun repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Loving someone doesn’t have to be some life-altering thing. It could just mean that you fell for someone, period. Doesn’t change who you are. Labels are stupid. You have to be brave enough to admit it though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sitting up, he tackled him in a hug. “You’re too wise for your own good, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyun giggled, patting his back, “Honestly? I’ve been dying to have this conversation. I was worried you were gonna keep being your idiot self and end up kissing him on live television or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t do that…” Yeonjun grumbled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyung — You’ve already come pretty close…”</span>
</p><p><span>Yeonjun just sighed, sitting back and mulling over everything Taehyun had said. He thought of how Taehyun, who in spite of being the most logical and rational out of all of them, was surprisingly a romantic idealist. He was the kind of person who asked their manager what he was getting his wife for their anniversary. He clung to any kind of representation he could find. Yeonjun still remembered how he had lit up</span> <span>when they were training in America and one of their dance teachers introduced his husband and child, or the way he had turned to him, eyes beaming</span> <span>when Jungkook and Taehyung had casually pecked each other one morning in front of them in the artist lounge. And Yeonjun wished he could be a part of that. It made him wish to be brave. </span></p><p>
  <span>So maybe he could allow himself to love Soobin without being terrified of the love itself, but it was another thing to allow himself to seriously pursue Soobin. Because there was something he tried to not think about, that all his members were nice enough to pretend didn’t happen. It haunted him though, the fact that when Soobin was announced as the leader, Yeonjun had acted like an ass. He could try to justify it all he wanted but he knew it had been pure arrogance. He had been older, had higher ranks, and was told by everybody that he was “legendary.” He had felt as if he wasn’t number one he was falling short, and being leader had been another badge he felt he had to collect. Eventually, he got over it, realized that he couldn’t be half the leader that Soobin was and that he hadn’t even wanted to be one in the first place, but he could still clearly remember the hurt in Soobin’s eyes when the first thing he’d said after the staff announced their new leader had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Seriously?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And so almost two years later, though he was ashamed of himself, that ugly, jealous side of him still existed. And being in a relationship meant that he had to own up to the parts of him he was best at hiding. He wouldn’t be able to just be the funny, flirty, hyung, he would have to be Yeonjun. And he was scared that Soobin, who was so inherently </span>
  <em>
    <span>Soobin</span>
  </em>
  <span>, wouldn’t want that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was so lost in thought, he barely registered the door opening until Soobin wandered in, wrapped around Hueningkai, followed by a mildly disgusted Beomgyu and two amused managers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...waited for hyung. So sweet!” Soobin cooed, squeezing Hueningkai tighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you! I had to tie my shoe!” Hueningkai squirmed but like always a smile twitched at the corner of his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You told me, ‘let's wait for Soobin-hyung’, Kai-yah” Beomgyu squeezed his way around them and threw himself down on the couch, “How was the dentist?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyun shrugged, picking through the bags their managers set before them with breakfast. “It was the dentist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Meeting in 30 minutes guys,” one of the managers reminded them, wandering off after they all agreed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Soobin and Hueningkai finally detangled, Soobin slid quietly into the spot next to Yeonjun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning hyung.” He smiled, warmth personified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was because Taehyun knew or because he was finally being honest with himself, but suddenly, Yeonjun couldn’t help but feel shy. It was a strange feeling for him since confidence was pretty much the backbone of his personality. He either worked his ass off to have reason to be confident or he faked it till he made it. But with Soobin, he no longer wanted to fake anything. Taehyun was right, Soobin deserved someone to love him fully, and until he could figure out how to do that, he’d be more careful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Morning.” He gave Soobin’s knee a friendly tap and stood to walk over to the hot water Taehyun had left out. He didn’t even really like tea, but he had no other reason to stand up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After pouring himself a cup, he walked back as nonchalantly as he could, sitting down on the floor next to Hueningkai instead. “Beomgyu-yah, did you manage to beat that level last night?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu hummed through a mouthful of breakfast sandwich, leaning against Taehyun's side, “I didn’t...why, do you want your game back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I was just wondering.” He sipped at the tea and tried not to pull a face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, he wouldn’t let me sleep,” Soobin chirped, giving him a mildly puzzled look as if he was surprised that Yeonjun hadn’t returned to his side, “The game over sound kept playing over and over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu sniffed, side-eyeing Soobin, “I didn’t die </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>many times. It’s a very difficult game, not that </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’d</span>
  </em>
  <span> know. Plus, you could have gone and slept in Yeonjun-hyung’s room or something if you were that annoyed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun immediately flushed, dropping his eyes to his lap. They had only shared a bed once since moving into the new dorm, no longer having the ease or excuse of just being able to cross the room. He loved having his own room, but he missed falling asleep to Soobin breathing one bunk over. The idea of Soobin being the first and last thing he saw every morning and night gave him a fuzzy feeling in his stomach. He flushed more and shrank into himself, too late realizing that everyone was staring at him, waiting for a joke or a flirty comment that he would have normally made. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um,” He blanked, trying to piece a reply together, but his thoughts felt a little scrambled, like the blocks that so carefully made up who he was had been knocked over and he was left trying to figure out how to but reassemble them. </span>
  <em>
    <span>All from one conversation? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He thought dryly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, I had half a mind to kick Kai out last night too,” Taehyun cut in, “He stayed up watching god knows what until like 2 am. It felt like I was sleeping on top of a stadium or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not true! I had my brightness all the way down.” Hueningkai quipped back in defense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyun gave him a skeptical look before switching topics to how Beomgyu seriously needed a haircut (“It feels like I’m cuddling a dog!”). Yeonjun was grateful and made a mental note to thank him by buying him lunch sometime. It was nice to be able to wallow in his feelings, even if Soobin’s eyes kept flicking to him every once in a while. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had never been more thankful for their hectic schedule than when their manager finally hustled them to clean up and get going. It would be easy to keep himself distracted with a full day of work ahead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But when Soobin wrapped an arm around his shoulders as he threw his trash away, the blocks scattered a little further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tired?” Soobin murmured, concern written all over his face, “You should’ve let me go to the dentist with Taehyun instead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I didn’t mind.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>And for you I wish I could do so much more, </span>
  </em>
  <span>He thought, giving him a small smile back before shrugging off his arm to follow the others out. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Let me know if you love it or hate it! :) Find me on <a href="https://twitter.com/jjmncore">twt</a> and <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/jiminelie">cc</a> x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Gym</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>I. Yoongi</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoongi was a bit embarrassed to admit just how often he spent the night in his studio. In hindsight, it had probably not been a good decision to move a couch in there since it only further facilitated his overworking tendencies. Regardless, he liked to think he was self-aware enough to stop himself before he got </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>burned out or exhausted. And he did. Most of the time anyways.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which is why when he shuffled into the gym locker room to shower, he was actually pretty proud that it was only the first time in that month that he had to resort to doing that. He was mentally patting himself on the back when he turned a corner and froze at the sight of Hoseok stepping out of one of the shower stalls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hoseok? What are you doing here?” He said before he could stop himself. The room was still steamy from the other's shower, giving everything a dream like quality. Maybe Yoongi was still asleep after all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoseok turned and gave him an incredulous look, eyeing him suspiciously, “Hyung? I just finished working out. I’m trying out a new morning routine. And unless you somehow were invisible the last hour I was out there, I’m guessing you slept in your studio again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean by </span>
  <em>
    <span>again?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Yoongi huffed indignantly. He walked further into the room, holding his stuff to his chest defensively, “I haven’t had to shower here in months!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, I guess you’re right.” Hoseok slid on some boxers underneath his towel before sitting down on a bench to pull on his pants and socks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Yoongi nodded before dropping his bag of clothes on the bench. He fished out his small toiletries pack and shifted closer to the shower. It felt a bit rude to just step in without saying anything but he hadn’t exactly come prepared with a list of small talk topics so early in the morning. Plus he was kinda grimy, his skin felt dried out and ready for a soak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had just made up his mind and had started to pull back the curtain when Hoseok spoke again, “So how’s your week so far?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoongi turned to stare at Hoseok blankly who pulled a shirt out of his bag and over his head, “I mean fine? You were with me for like 80% of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoseok nodded, making that face where his mouth became a straight line and his cheeks puffed a little. It usually meant that he was trying to think of a way to say something without being too blunt. Yoongi resisted the urge to roll his eyes at himself for knowing that. Instead, he shifted his weight on his feet, waiting for him to spit it out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoseok noticed him standing by the shower awkwardly and waved a hand dismissively, “Oh you can get in, I’ll wait for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will?” Yoongi wondered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Our first schedule is a team meeting right? I don’t mind, unless you were planning on doing something <em>else</em> in there,” He laughed and made an obscene gesture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoongi scoffed and pushed the curtain aside, stepping inside, “I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Fine, w</span>
  <span>ait all you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kinda </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> been planning on rubbing one out and relieving some stress in the shower, but there was no way he was telling him that. As he arranged his soap and shampoo on the shower shelf, he heard Hoseok rustle through his bag on the other side, presumably starting his skin care routine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey hyung, have you noticed anything odd about Taehyung and Jungkook recently?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoongi mulled the question over as he tossed his clothes out of the stall and turned the water on. “Sorta,” He raised his voice hoping he could still hear him, “They were bickering in practice yesterday but that’s nothing new.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know…” Hoseok’s voice drifted over a bit muffled but still audible, “But Jungkook’s been acting like he’s treading on glass lately, and I can tell Tae’s getting frustrated. I don’t know exactly what’s up but they’ve been kinda off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoongi massaged some shampoo into his hair. “Tae hasn’t been sleeping much. He keeps texting me about music at the most godforsaken hours of the night.”</span>
</p><p>He neglected to admit he also awake at these godforsaken hours, but that was nothing new to him. Taehyung on the other hand, he typically leaped at any chance to be in bed before 11pm.</p><p>
  <span>“I kinda wanna ask, but I doubt they want anyone to meddle.” Hoseok said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah...you know how Tae gets. He probably wants to keep it to himself” Yoongi shook his head to wash off the shampoo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But Jungkook always appreciates some advice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoseok was right, but in spite of the fact that the seven of them hadn’t spent much more than a few months apart in the past ten years, Yoongi knew that there were plenty of secrets in the group and no one knew them all. For example, Seokjin was the only one who knew that Yoongi had spent nearly three years in love with Hoseok. He'd been privy to it all, Yoongi's yearning and pinning and finally quiet acceptance that it wasn't going to happen. He had helped him pick up pieces no one else knew about as Yoongi got over his feelings without the others finding out. Maybe it was because they had been roommates, or because they were the two oldest, but they were each other's closest confidants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It got tricky sometimes, but keeping other member's secrets was a major part in what had kept their team going for so long. So as much as he was still curious about why two years ago Namjoon and Jungkook had avoided taking the same car as one of their managers for three whole months, or as much he wanted to desperately confirm his suspicions about the years when Jimin and Hoseok had been roommates, he knew that it was probably for the best that no single member knew all the group’s dirty laundry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, he mused as he moved on to soap down his body, Jungkook had been awfully quiet lately and it was his duty as hyung to look after him. Maybe he’d make up some excuse to get him into his studio and pick his brain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Turning off the water, he stuck a hand out of the shower only to realize that he hadn’t hung a towel on the hook before he got in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, Hobi are you still there?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one answered and he cursed. <em>Why say you were gonna wait then, </em>he grumbled to himself. At least the gym was for artists only so there were only so many people that could walk in. Saying a prayer that the TXT kids all had some early morning shoot so that he didn’t have the chance to scar any of them for life, he pulled the curtain open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“BOO!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“AHH!” He screamed and tried to take a step back only to slip on the wet floor. Flailing his arms he finally regained his balance, heart pounding out of his chest, “What the fuck?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoseok was beside himself, shaking with laughter while simulating trying to hold a towel out. At least he had the decency to have his eyes shut, Yoongi noted as he snatched the towel from his hands ignoring his peals of laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m - so - sorry, hyung,” Hoseok continued to giggle, finally straightening up, “That was so funny! I should’ve taken a video to send to the guys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gathering whatever pride he had left, he walked indignantly to his bag. “Absolutely not. I would have sued you for distributing pornographic images of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, I wouldn’t have aimed below the waist,” Hoseok chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoongi narrowed his eyes at him as he searched through his clothes, “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>wish </span>
  </em>
  <span>you could get a piece of this ass Hoseok-ah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoseok flicked his eyes down his body and Yoongi used every bit of self-control not to flush scarlet and drop his facade. “In another life, hyung,” He snorted and stood, walking over to the sinks. “Now hurry up, because I know I just convinced you to talk to Jungkook.”</span>
</p><p>Though it had been years, and he had promised God and himself he was over it, sometimes he found himself still yearning. But he always shut it down as soon as it came up again, needed only to remind himself just how all consuming his feelings had been. Maybe it was because Hoseok was the kind of person that drew you in until you were ensnared, or because he was everything Yoongi wasn't but wished he was, but Yoongi hadn't just fallen in love with love with him - he had plummeted. And falling out of love had been one of the most difficult things he had done. Harder than cutting off his own family in order to purse a dream that had slim chance of happening, or having his entire existence picked apart and decided on.</p><p>But Yoongi knew how to grit his teeth and bear something better than anyone, so he'd done it. He'd even managed to keep their friendship mostly intact, save for a few awkward (and probably confusing on Hoseok's part) months. He had packed up his feelings, wrung them out through song lyrics, and resolved to come to terms with them in some distant future when he had time to breathe.</p><p>Giving his eyes only three seconds to linger on Hoseok's figure, he took a deep breath and moved on, pulling on a pair of boxers.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>II. Taehyun</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If you had told 13-year-old Taehyun that one day he would become one of those people whose day wasn’t complete without going to the gym, he would have laughed. Gym class used to be the bane of his existence, but now he was sitting at the rowing machine annoyed that he had to work out with the members instead of by himself. He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>person now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huening, you’re doing it wrong,” He called out for the third time, eyeing Hueningkai on the elliptical. “Don’t lean on the handle bars, you gotta fix your posture.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hueningkai pulled a face but straightened up. From the middle of the room, Beomgyu groaned and dropped out of his plank, sprawling spread-eagle, “I’m starting to think that this whole group workout thing was a terrible idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew that from the start,” Taehyun finished his set and paused to drink some water, “the last hour has tripled the amount of respect I have for our trainer for putting up with you all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely</span>
  </em>
  <span> not part of that you all.” Beomgyu said as he rolled onto his back, “Soobin-hyung didn’t even know how to start the treadmill.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never - <em>huff - </em>used this - <em>huff -</em> model before." Soobin defended, panting heavily, "He usually - <em>huff</em> - turns it on for me anyways.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu hummed in disbelief but seemed too tired to argue, rolling over again to get back into position. Just then, there was a loud </span>
  <em>
    <span>“clang!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>from the weight rack as Yeonjun dropped the weights he was holding. Taehyun opened his mouth to tell him to be gentler but Yeanjun cut across him, “I know, Taehyun-ah! I won't drop them anymore!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence finally regained again, save for their labored breathing and the noise of their equipment. It was a bit strange, having the five of them gathered in the gym since working out was one of the rare activities that they </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>do together, but their trainer had gotten sick and working out together to keep each other accountable had been the easiest solution. They were only on day two though, and Taehyun was already getting tired of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was just starting to wonder how offended Yeonjun would get if he walked over and tried to correct his form when a phone started to ring from the pile of their stuff on the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, that’s my ringtone. H-Hyung, can you check who it is?” Soobin said to Yeonjun who was closest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun nodded and put his weights down, walking over to find the phone. Ever since their talk, Yeonjun had been acting a little different. A little more quiet, and a little less affectionate, particularly towards Soobin. Taehyun was the only one that knew why, but the others were starting to notice. Just the other night as they were getting ready for bed, Hueningkai asked him if he had noticed anything different with Yeonjun lately. He’d said no - because it wasn’t his secret to tell - but he was starting to get worried that he’d done more harm than good with his advice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your mom,” Yeonjun held out the phone to Soobin who after trying a few buttons finally got the treadmill to stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, I forgot I promised her that we’d catch up.” He wiped off his sweat and took the phone a little shyly before holding it up to his ear and wandering out of the room, “Hey mom…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun’s eyes followed him out before turning back to the weights. The thing was, Taehyun thought as he continued with his exercise, he sort of but not really sympathized with Yeonjun. He understood that he probably needed some time to process and come to terms with things, but he couldn't necessarily say that he related. He’d never had a big “revelation” or “awakening” like others sometimes spoke of. As long as he could remember he’d been sure of who he was. If anything, his realization had been that the majority of people </span>
  <em>
    <span>weren’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>like him. He’d been in middle school when he figured out his other male classmates weren’t as obsessed with Taemin as he was, and it had been a quiet reckoning. One that he had accepted simply like the fact that he was Korean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But in spite of the fact that he wished that his advice had spurned a dramatic love confession instead of a sudden character shift, he was willing to support Yeonjun in whatever way he could. He might not have had feelings towards Soobin anymore but he still only wished happiness for him - and he knew Yeonjun could be just that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I’m taking a break,” Hueningkai groaned dramatically as he crawled off the elliptical and plopped down on the floor next to Beomgyu, who had given up on planking and was now just laying motionless on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you guys are </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> tired then we should stop,” Taehyun said, letting go of the bar to slide to the end of the machine, “I don’t know </span>
  <em>
    <span>how </span>
  </em>
  <span>we’re gonna get through a week of this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun was now in the midst of doing some squats, “Well, this was easier than trying to schedule in a new substitute trainer, and since we agreed to work out for the new choreo,  we can’t just stop working out all together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyung,” Beomgyu said, suddenly turning his head to look at Yeonjun, “what’s up with you lately?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun stopped his squats, frowning down at Beomgyu, “Huh? What do you mean? Nothing’s up with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, there definitely is. You had promised to watch the last Avengers movie with me and Soobin-hyung like a month ago and when we finally had some time yesterday, you flaked. Soobin-hyung didn’t want me to tell you but he was really upset since we had watched all the other movies together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was?” Yeonjun whispered, and Taehyun could see some of his resolve crumbling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah!” Beomgyu continued, “and I mean I was kinda upset too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes, Taehyun wondered how exactly Beomgyu and Hueningkai had failed to connect the dots between Soobin and Yeonjun for so long but eventually he figured that he should set the bar lower for straights. He sipped his water, watching the exchange in silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun was clearly fumbling for something to say but he was saved by Soobin walking back into the room with the strangest look on his face, phone dangling by his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soobin-hyung?” Hueningkai immediately sat up, “Is everything okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin nodded, drifting into the middle of the room and sitting down cross-legged besides Hueningkai and Beomgyu, “Yeah...I was just chatting with my mom and she was telling me about my grandpa’s birthday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And?” Hueningkai prompted, still looking a little concerned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, apparently, pretty much her whole side of the family went since it was his 90th birthday. And my cousin Kyungmin, the one who’s studying medicine at SNU, said he wanted to make an announcement after dinner,” Soobin recounted while playing with the hem of his shirt, “all my aunts were excited because they thought he might be engaged or something. Well, after dinner he stood up and told them he was gay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He paused and it was like the whole room had been set on mute as they all just stared at him silently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She said they were all really surprised but even though my grandma refused to talk about it, she still made him help clean up the table so it wasn’t too bad. She also said that she was thankful my uncle or dad hadn’t gotten upset about it because she would have taken my cousin’s side over theirs and ‘it would not have been pretty.’ And then when she was done telling me this, and what big news it was, I just opened my mouth and said ‘mom, me too.’” He finally looked up and swept his gaze over all of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh hyung,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Taehyun stood up and crossed the room in one stride, dropping to his knees to hug Soobin from the side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin smiled weakly at him, and Taehyun just hugged him tighter as he started speaking again, “I don’t really know why I said that, It’s not something I ever planned on telling her like this but after she asked what I meant I told her I was also gay and...I guess this is me telling you guys too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hueningkai let out a cross between a whimper and a whine and dove at Soobin from the other side, his head landing on his lap. Soobin giggled and wiggled an arm around his shoulders, “She was really happy, and said it was okay but that I was the worst for telling her over the phone and that she can’t wait to see me again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu sniffled, now sitting with legs drawn up against his chest, “I can’t believe you’re telling </span>
  <em>
    <span>us </span>
  </em>
  <span>like this!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyun let out an airy laugh, trying not to cry himself, “I’m so proud of you,” He murmured, giving one more squeeze before loosening his hold and sitting back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until Soobin let out a soft, “Hyung?” that he realized that there was one person who had yet to react.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun was standing frozen in the same spot he had been when Soobin entered the room, tears in his eyes and a miserable look on his face. His hands curled into his pants as his gaze dropped to the floor, still not saying anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeonjun,” Taehyun dropped the honorifics, causing him to look up, “It’s not about you right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ignoring the three puzzled sets of eyes that turned to him, he continued staring meaningfully at the older.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Yeonjun finally whispered, his voice coarse, “I’m proud of you too, Soobin-ah but I’m sorry I -- I have to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, he bent down to pick up his bag and left, leaving the rest of them in stunned silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is wrong with him?” Hueningkai exclaimed in disbelief. He sat up but kept his arms wound around Soobin, tugging him close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one answered, and Taehyun tried to ignore the total look of hurt on Soobin’s face as he reached out to pat his knee. He wasn't exactly sure what exactly had been running through Yeonjun’s mind, but he knew it had been the completely worse thing he could’ve done in that moment.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a href="https://twitter.com/jjmncore">twt</a>/<a href="https://curiouscat.qa/jiminelie">cc</a> :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Recording Studios</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I. Seokjin</p><p>“Okay, Taehyung-ah I’m ready — where’s Taehyung?” Yoongi whirled around from the producer desk and blinked at 3/4ths of the vocal line in confusion.</p><p>“He’s not here,” Seokjin said from the couch, stretching languidly, “We told you this already.”</p><p>“Are you starting to experience memory loss, old man?” Jimin joked from the spot next to him. </p><p>Yoongi ignored him. “I thought I heard the door open.”</p><p>“That was Jin-hyung coming back from the bathroom.”</p><p>“Sorry. Like me, my bowel movements are almost perfect to a fault.”</p><p>Jungkook laughed from Jimin’s other side and Seokjin leaned forward to grin at him.</p><p>“Jungkook-ah where is he? I wanna get started,” Yoongi turned to the youngest instead.</p><p>Like a lamp switching off, Jungkook’s smile dropped, “I’m his boyfriend not his manager,” he sighed after a moment, “I already texted him to remind him of this.”</p><p>Yoongi’s eyes lingered on him for a moment and Seokjin could see the concern in his eyes over their maknae’s attitude shift but he seemed to drop it, “Sorry. Well, he better show up soon. I guess we can start with the bridge instead. Jimin-ah get in there but try it one key higher than last time.”</p><p>Jimin jumped up, “Hyung, you could ask a little more nicely.”</p><p>Yoongi narrowed his eyes at him, and Seokjin had to suppress a smile. Comeback time always got to Yoongi and it easily became apparent when he got strung out and snappy with them all. Jimin was the only one who continued to tease him regardless. It was amusing to watch the two of them push each other’s buttons.</p><p>“Jimin-ssi, will you <em> please </em> do us the honor of gracing us with your <em> beautiful </em>voice in the recording booth?” Yoongi said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.</p><p>“<em> Of course,” </em>Jimin grinned back and strode into the booth.</p><p>“Should I pitch down his recording when he hears it back so he freaks out?”</p><p>Seokjin laughed, stretching his leg out to kick the back of Yoongi’s chair, “That’s just evil Yoongi-yah, you’ll traumatize the poor boy.”</p><p>Yoongi made a noise of disbelief and put on his headphones, pressing a few buttons and then counting off Jimin through the glass.</p><p>Humming his own part of the song, Seokjin turned to Jungkook who had his nose buried in his phone. Now, normally, Seokjin wouldn’t consider himself a snoop, he was so good at respecting others boundaries it was practically a talent of his. However, when Jungkook let out an annoyed sigh at his phone he couldn’t help but look. It was also partially Jungkook’s fault for keeping his phone brightness so high that it might as well have been a flood light.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Jungkook</b>
</p><p>
  <em> In case you didn’t check the schedule today, we’re re-recording the vocals of track three at 2 </em>
</p><p>
  <em> 1:45pm </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Like right now, hyung. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> 2:05pm </em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Tae~</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <em> oh shoot, yea. omw. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> 2:10pm </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Was all that Seokjin read before looking away, feeling like he was intruding. Though he’d known the members for nearly 10 years now, he still sometimes struggled with knowing how to approach things without being overbearing or crossing some invisible line.</p><p>He had grown-up as the youngest in a reasonably well-off family and had never even thought of being an idol for the first 19 years of his life. He’d had an inkling of pursuing acting and figured that if it didn’t work out he could go work for his brother who was set on inheriting their father’s company. But then someone stopped him on the street and asked him if he would be open to auditioning for an entertainment company. He’d said yes and now he was part of the most famous kpop group ever.</p><p>Okay, it hadn’t been that easy.</p><p>There had been a lot of struggling in between. The kind of struggling he had never encountered before in his life, doubled by being an empathetic sap who felt responsible for the group of teens younger than him giving up a youth he had so carelessly enjoyed. He had never been the eldest before, but he’d be damned if someone said he hadn’t tried his hardest to do right by the members.</p><p>And somehow things had turned out okay. He thought he could see that best in Jungkook, who had been a complete and total child in his eyes when they had first met. Years later he was a well rounded young man, and though Seokjin couldn’t even pretend to take all the credit, he’d like to think that he had helped him along the way. The boy would always have a soft spot in his heart.</p><p>He was still an empathetic sap, so that feeling of responsibility for his dongsaengs would never fade. </p><p>“Hey, Jungkook-ah --” He started but was interrupted by the door opening slowly and Taehyung creeping into the room.</p><p>“Sorry.” He mouthed at them. Yoongi didn't even look up from the computer.</p><p>Kicking off his shoes by the door, Taehyung flopped into the space Jimin had freed up. He looked a little rumpled. His hair was un-styled, probably the longest it had ever been and he was wearing an uncharacteristically plain grey tracksuit.</p><p>“Sorry. I was napping in the downstairs lounge.” He murmured and Seokjin knew he wasn’t apologizing to him.</p><p>“Napping? Are you tired? We didn’t even have practice today.” Jungkook said.</p><p>Sensing once again that he was intruding, Seokjin pulled out his phone and busied himself by opening his family’s KakaoTalk chatroom, which he was three days behind on.</p><p>“I didn’t sleep that well.”</p><p>“When I asked this morning you said you did.”</p><p>His cousin was getting married. They hadn’t talked in years but she had always been nice to him when they were little. He took a screenshot of the message and sent it to his assistant. ‘<em> Send a gift, please’  </em>he added.</p><p>“It’s not a big deal. I just got kinda sleepy a few hours ago.”</p><p>“Did you not sleep at all?”</p><p>“I wasn’t that sleepy when we went to bed so I laid awake for a bit, that’s all.”</p><p>His mom had sent a picture of his face plastered all over a pack of Chilsung Cider cans. <em> ‘We got those too.’ </em> his brother had replied, <em> ‘they’re so much more fun to smash for recycling </em> <em> ㅋㅋㅋ </em> <em> ’ </em></p><p>“But...” Jungkook’s voice dropped lower but sadly Seokjin could still hear it, “You said you weren’t in the mood last night because you were sleepy.”</p><p>“Kook…”</p><p>Seokjin felt his face warm and took that as his cue to interrupt the conversation before he heard more he would rather not. He cleared his throat loudly.</p><p>“Sorry. Forget it. You’re here now.”</p><p>“Guys look,” Seokjin turned dramatically towards them, holding his phone out, “My brother and his wife are thinking of adopting a kitten. Doesn’t this one kinda look like Yoongi?”</p><p>Taehyung titled his head, studying the picture of a small grey kitten sleeping on a cushion. “It kinda does…”</p><p>Jungkook looked ready to agree when Yoongi turned, pulling off his headphones and raising his eyebrows at Taehyung, “I’m glad you showed up.” </p><p>Taehyung shrunk sheepishly into the couch. “Sorry.”</p><p>Before Yoongi could reply, Jimin walked out of the booth and dropped onto Taehyung’s lap, “TaeTae! You look kind of scruffy today.”</p><p>Taehyung just shrugged as Yoongi shook his head and turned. He clicked around and Jimin’s voice flooded the room, “Whatever. Anyways, I think Jimin’s part sounds better with the higher key. What do you guys think?”</p><p>“Sounds good, Jimin.” Seokjin said, bopping his head along with the song.</p><p>“Yeah, I like it better too.” Jungkook agreed.</p><p>Jimin beamed at them and pinched Jungkook’s cheek, “Thanks. I hope I’ll still be able to sing it live though.”</p><p>The music died down and Yoongi shifted through a few pages. “Okay. Taehyung you’re next. I actually wanted you and Kook to record together. I think that would sound better than having his harmony as a backing track.”</p><p>Taehyung smiled, squeezing Jungkook’s thigh. “Sure. We haven’t recorded together in a while. Let me up Jimin-ah.”</p><p>It was a bit bewildering how fast Taehyung’s moods shifted. Though he had always been like that, Seokjin couldn’t imagine how Jungkook kept up with it all the time. But he supposed that was what love was. Continuously choosing to be with someone in spite of their flaws. Privately -- and maybe this was just his bitter decade-long single self talking -- he wondered if there ever was a limit. If there ever was such a thing as one too many faults.</p><p>He pondered this as he watched the pair of them make their way into the recording booth. Jimin sat back down on the couch, swinging his legs across Seokjin’s lap.</p><p>“You’re staying?” He asked him, watching through the glass as Jungkook put on headphones.</p><p>“For a bit, yeah.” Jimin replied, watching them as well.</p><p>Though Jungkook was smiling, he looked a bit exhausted. Recently, the way he watched Taehyung had taken on a wary quality. He would probably deny it, but after so many years Jungkook was practically an open book to them. Some people wore their heart on their sleeve, but Jungkook was different. He wore his emotions on his back, where everyone else but himself could see them.</p><p>“Hey,” Seokjin said, patting Jimin’s knee, “do you think it’s because of Tae that Jungkook’s been looking so worn lately?” </p><p>He regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth because at that moment Taehyung had opened the door to grab an extra lyric sheet. Seokjin had no way of knowing if he had heard him, but he glanced their way before ducking back into the recording booth. A deep flush warmed his ears, but it was a fair question.</p><p>“You know...I was wondering the same thing.” Jimin said softly after the door had shut.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>II. Hueningkai </p><p> </p><p>Sometimes, Hueningkai wasn’t always sure if he <em> really </em> liked being an idol. It was a weird concern to have since he was considerably past his debut date, but he still found himself wondering about it sometimes. It had all started because of his sister after all. <em> “Let’s audition as a brother sister duo, Kai, people would love that” </em> she’d said. Since the day they had moved to Korea and she had seen a Girls Generation performance, it was all she had ever wanted. And as the good little brother he was, he’d gone along with her dream. </p><p>But life has a funny way of working things out because his sister ended up in a group that disbanded within two years, and he ended up in BTS’ agency and in what people called a “monster-rookie” group with a contract of 7 years. </p><p>Though he had always liked music, he wasn’t sure if he would’ve pursued this path had his sister not suggested it, but he thought he was a pretty decent singer and dancer, so overall there were worse places he could’ve ended up in. Plus, he was lucky he had become such good friends with his members. Which is why it was all the much harder that Soobin and Yeonjun had now evolved into not pretty much not talking at all. </p><p>The tension in the group was palpable. If they ever joked about Soobin being Hueningkai’s gum, it was truer than ever now as the boy rarely left his side. Yeonjun seemed to be taking refuge in Beomgyu, who was the only one willing to tolerate his behavior out of the rest of them. Hueningkai and Beomgyu would have been completely in the dark about the sudden shift of dynamics had Taehyun not sat them both down and said that their two hyungs needed to work out their feelings so not to meddle. </p><p>“Feeling about what?” Beomgyu had asked.</p><p>Taehyun had given them a resigned look. “About each other.”</p><p>Beomgyu had looked at him then, clearly trying to analyze if he was still as confused as he was. And he had been, but before Taehyun could elaborate further a manager had burst in and hustled them out. So as Soobin’s current (and arguably, always) favorite member and best friend, Hueningkai had decided to take it upon himself to talk to him about what exactly was going on. </p><p>It was a bit tricky though, given that two of them rarely talked about their feelings. They had become so close almost unintentionally. As trainees they had spent all their time together because they were both simultaneously too shy and complacent to make any other friends. When they moved into the same dorm and Hueningkai’s nightmares became worse from all the stress, he would silently crawl into Soobin’s bed and Soobin would hold him until he stopped shaking and fell asleep again. Hueningkai showed affection through physical touch, by patting his members tummies or diving at them for random hugs. Those things were easy for him, words weren’t. </p><p>Regardless, he was willing to try. Sat next to Soobin on the recording room couch, he thought there was no better time. Beomgyu was in the recording booth now, and the two of them were the only ones left waiting their turns. </p><p>“Hyung?” He whispered, though he knew that the two PDs in the room wouldn’t hear him over their headphones, “Can I ask you something?”</p><p>Soobin was half-heartedly playing a game on his phone, “What is it?”</p><p>“How do you feel about Yeonjun-hyung?”</p><p>Soobin lost the game and sighed before turning to look at him, “What?”</p><p>“It’s just…” he struggled to phrase his thoughts, “You two have been avoiding each other. Is it over the way he reacted to you coming out? It <em> was </em> super rude of him but he did apologize the next morning. But after that, you two haven’t talked at all.”</p><p>The older boy gave him an affectionate look and rested his head on his shoulder, “Hyuka, can I tell you a secret?”</p><p>Across the room, on the other side of sound-proof glass, Beomgyu finished belting out a high note and looked to the PDs for approval. One of them contemplated it before pushing the talk button to tell him to try again but with more emotion.</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“I like Yeonjun-hyung.”</p><p>Hueningkai blinked, confused, “What?”</p><p>“I <em> like </em> Yeonjun-hyung.” Soobin repeated, linking their arms together and playing with his sweater sleeve, “but I don’t think he likes me back.”</p><p>Like a fog lifting, it all suddenly made sense. “You like...oh, OH” Hueningkai sat up and twisted around to face Soobin in shock, “You <em> like </em>Yeonjun-hyung! Since when?!”</p><p>Soobin covered his face with his hands, sliding down lower in the seat, “Shh...I dunno like since we were put on the debut group together?”</p><p>“Since we were <em>trainees?"</em> Hueningkai sat back in disbelief, running through the past few days and even years. It really did all make sense now. A different thought struck him, “Wait, why didn’t you tell me?”</p><p>Soobin peeked over his hands, “Why? Are you sad that I kept a secret?”</p><p>He made a face and rolled his eyes, because yes, he was a little upset. Soobin sighed and resumed his previous pose with his head on Hueningkai’s shoulder. “I didn’t tell anyone. I think Taehyun guessed but I never told him. I don’t know...I was just scared to ruin everything. But it’s all ruined now. Yeonjun-hyung was clearly...freaked out just by me coming out. I don’t want him to hate me because of this.”</p><p>“Hyung, no one could ever hate you,” Hueningkai murmured, leaning his head on top of Soobin’s, “I still think you should tell him. Remember when you got picked as leader you were super scared, but you told me you wouldn’t back down because you’d regret it if you didn’t try? Taehyun said you <em> both </em>needed to work out your feelings, so honestly, I think you should still talk.”</p><p>“I don’t know...wouldn’t that make him even <em> more </em>uncomfortable?”</p><p>“But like...if any of us are ever fighting you make us talk it out. Also, he needs to get over himself. I can’t believe he’d freak out over this, kinda stupid of him because it’s a compliment right? And it’s not you’ve made a move on him...have you?” Hueningkai added curiously.</p><p>“No!” Soobin hit his arm, “And he’s still your hyung, don’t call him stupid.”</p><p>“Fine. But I’m right aren’t I?”</p><p>Soobin slouched further down, making that face he made when he was thinking, where he pursed his lips and looked a bit like a bird. “Yeah...maybe, I’ll tell him I’m trying to get over it so he’ll be more comfortable.”</p><p>“...he shouldn’t be rude about it though, he should be flattered.” Hueningkai said earnestly.</p><p>Finally pulling out of his slouch, Soobin gave him the grin he reserved to poke fun at him and turned sideways to wrap his arms around Hueningkai, his tone taking a babying tone, “Are you <em> jealous, </em>Ningning?” He teased, pinching at his sides. </p><p>“No, I am not!” Hueningkai tried to push him off, “What is there to be jealous of?! I just feel bad for hyung!”</p><p>Letting out a half resigned, half amused sigh, Soobin just nodded. Hueningkai stopped squirming in the hug, giving his arm a gentle pat, “It’ll be okay, Soobin-hyung.”</p><p>Soobin nodded again and the two of them sat in silence until Beomgyu was finished with his session and walked out of the recording booth.</p><p>“Soobin-ssi, you’re next,” One of the PDs turned to them.</p><p>Beomgyu rolled his eyes at them as he headed towards the door, “Just so you know, you two were being extremely distracting while I was trying to record.”</p><p>Soobin flicked him as he walked past, “Clearly, you weren’t focusing hard enough.”</p><p>“He talks! Are you in a better mood now?” Beomgyu asked.</p><p>Soobin just stuck out his tongue and walked into the booth but he did look in better spirits so Hueningkai hoped that he had at least helped steer him in the right direction.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was more of a short filler/set-up chapter as we get near the end, but I still enjoyed writing it. Some of my favorite dynamics are sookai and just Jin general haha. </p><p>Anyways, thanks for reading! Chat with me on <a href="https://twitter.com/jjmncore">twitter</a> &amp; <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/jiminelie">cc</a> :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>I. Jungkook</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook didn’t like being home alone. Maybe it was because the seven of them had lived piled on top of each other for so long, but there was something about having a whole place to himself that didn’t sit right with him. When Taehyung had suggested moving out on their own about four years into their relationship, he had been a little hesitant. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>liked </span>
  </em>
  <span>living in the same dorm as all of his hyungs—didn’t like to be too far from them for too long. But he knew Taehyung wanted to have his own space, </span>
  <em>
    <span>their </span>
  </em>
  <span>own space, one where they could grow as a couple and not have to worry about any of their band members walking in on them. So they had compromised and gotten an apartment just two blocks away from the dorm in the same neighborhood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a small place but Taehyung had gone crazy over decorating it and making it feel like home. It worked out well for the most part, and aside from the managers who complained that they now had two places to go to when rounding them all up, everyone was happy with the arrangement. The two of them got a place to be a disgustingly annoying couple, Jimin got a key, and the members got more room in the dorm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Jungkook never hated the place more than when he was home alone waiting for his boyfriend to come home. He hated sitting on the couch in an empty room, trying to be engrossed on the TV while waiting for his texts to get answered. It had been happening more often lately, and he was trying to be understanding, he was, but Taehyung was starting to make it difficult. He’d come home and say he got lost in his music, or that he’d decided to stop at a park half-way home and that he’d lost track of time. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s okay, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jungkook would say, </span>
  <em>
    <span>but I’d like to know when you do that.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He hated feeling like the naggy partner demanding to know their significant other’s whereabouts, but ever since he had woken up one night to an empty bed and Taehyung crying in the balcony, he’d become more anxious to constantly know that at the very least, Taehyung was on his way back to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So when it was nearing 1 a.m. and he had last seen Taehyung five hours ago after a full day of practice, he was starting to get frustrated. He had just rewound the drama he was watching for the third time because he kept getting distracted when the door finally opened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tae?” He paused the show.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you’re awake. You must be tired.” Taehyung stepped out of his shoes, bending down to neatly put them away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook resisted the urge to roll his eyes, sitting up on the couch, “Yeah well I was wondering when you’d come home. Where were you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung dropped his bag on the floor and took off his mask, “I was gonna come home earlier but I decided to stop for something to eat and just ended up staying at this restaurant for a few hours. It was nice, there was barely anyone there. No one recognized me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could’ve called me and we could’ve had dinner together,” Jungkook said. He’d purposefully turned down Hoseok’s and Namjoon’s offer for dinner because he had thought him and Taehyung would eat together, and then had ended up having dinner by himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I...I just kinda wanted to be alone.” Taehyung walked into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water, “I should’ve let you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook sighed, flinging his phone aside, annoyed but deciding to keep it to himself. “Yeah. You should’ve. But it’s fine, whatever, let’s just go to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung appraised him as he finished his water. Keeping a guarded look, Taehyung </span>
  <span>walked around the kitchen island and into the living room, “Wait, actually, can we talk? Are you too tired or can we talk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Jungkook had been feeling drowsy at all, he definitely wasn’t now. He turned off the tv and turned to him, “You can’t just say that and think I’ll be able to go to bed. Of course we can talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sitting down gingerly on the couch, folding a leg underneath him, Taehyung briefly closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “I wanted to say I’m sorry. I know I’ve been being really difficult lately, and you’ve been nothing but patient. I’m sorry that I’ve been so frustrating and that I haven’t really made an effort with things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Over the past few years, the two of them hadn’t fought much. They had had disagreements here and there but taking from the group dynamic Namjoon had instilled early on, they made a point to resolve things on the same day. The worst it had gotten was Jungkook sleeping on the couch for one night to prove a point—but that was just him being petty. However, in spite of their few fights, Jungkook could tell right away from Taehyung’s tone of voice that he was being up something he didn’t want to talk about, which was pretty rare. Out of the two of them Taehyung tended to be the one who was more complacent to let things sit. It made Jungkook feel alert, but he still forced himself to calm down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for recognizing it,” He replied a bit tentatively, “It has been kind of hard, but it’s okay, I know you’ve been struggling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung let out another breath, sagging sideways against the back of the couch. Currently, Taehyung's hair was long and curly, sweeping down almost to his eyes, prohibiting Jungkook from meeting his eyes and all he wanted to do was reach over and sweep it out of the way. But he held back, which was odd because this was his boyfriend, who he shouldn't be shy to touch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not okay though,” Taehyung said and Jungkook wondered if he missed him turning the AC on when he came in because he was starting to feel a chill in spite of the blanket still draped across his lap, “We’re starting to make each other miserable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>you get super annoyed at me but don’t fully tell me because you’re scared to make me feel worse. I feel guilty all the time for putting you through shit and that doesn’t help everything else that I feel for no reason at all.” Taehyung continued. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t—you don’t have to feel guilty,” Jungkook leaned forward earnestly, “We just have to communicate more—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“—but I do, Jungkook-ah. That’s the point, I feel horrible.” Taehyung ran a hand through his hair, sweeping it back and Jungkook was finally able to see his eyes. They were full, heartbreakingly determined, “I hate that we’re dancing around each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Panic was starting to build inside Jungkook and he hated it. His heart was pounding like he had just done the choreography for ON and Dionysus back to back. “I’m fine. When have I ever told you that you’re hurting me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t.” Taehyung said, his face unreadable and it drove Jungkook insane. He had spent years memorizing every detail of Taehyung’s face, deciphering exactly what each smile and eyebrow raise meant. How could it be that now he couldn’t figure out the hard set of his mouth and the crease of his brows meant?  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’ve noticed.” Taehyung kept going, “Even the hyungs have. Jungkook, don't you hear yourself sigh every time you tell me to ‘forget it?’ Don’t you see the dread all over your face whenever I ask you to remind me about something? Yesterday Hoseok-hyung told me to stop texting you so much because you wouldn’t stop checking your phone during a meeting. I barely text you back lately. Yoongi-hyung pulled me aside after recording last week and demanded to know what was up with me.” His voice broke and he dropped his gaze to his lap, “You can’t tell me it’s not true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blood rushed in Jungkook's ears as he tried to formulate excuses for everything Taehyung had said but he drew up blank. He was right. He had pointed out all of the little things that Jungkook ignored, that he told himself didn’t matter all that much in spite of the fact that they did sort of get to him. He opened his mouth to tell that he was wrong, even if it was a lie, but instead he whispered, “Why are you doing this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung curled his hands into fists but he raised his eyes to meet Jungkook’s, his voice quiet and even, “I think we should break-up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook had always been a crybaby, second to only Jimin he probably shed the most tears in the group. So when he heard those words and it felt like his world was disintegrating around him, he vaguely wondered why he didn’t immediately burst into tears. It felt like enough pain to cry and cry until he was surrounded by an ocean and he could float away just like Alice in Wonderland. Then he could maybe somehow find his way back home and wonder if everything had been a dream after all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But as it happened, all he could do was stare blankly back, “You...you want to break up. Tae—I don’t understand. You don’t get to decide how much I can take on. I have never once minded going through this with you.”</span>
</p><p><span>“I know,” Taehyung reached out to place a hand on Jungkook’s leg, but Jungkook drew back, pulling his legs up against him so that it slid off and landed on the couch, “I only get to decide how much I</span> <span>take on. And it turns out I can’t handle </span><em><span>us </span></em><span>while trying to handle </span><em><span>me. </span></em><span>I’m so sorry, I wish I could be stronger or better for you, but I think we should stop before we completely hate each other.”</span></p><p>
  <span>A flash of anger ran through Jungkook as he curled his hands around his knees, fisting the blanket tightly, “That’s not fair. Be better then. If you love me at all then we can keep on trying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jungkook, please don’t make this difficult—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“—don’t patronize me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not, I'm sorry—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“—stop apologizing!”</span>
</p><p><span>Taehyung sighed and turned to face forward, dropping his head on his hands, “I don’t think you understand how much I hate</span> <span>myself. There’s no one I resent more than me right now for being like this. I can barely stand myself right now, Jungkook-ah and I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it if I bring you down with me. It’ll ruin me,” He looked sideways at him, tugging on his hair, “As fucking cheesy as it sounds, I need to learn to love myself again. I need help. And I need to be able to receive that help without feeling like I’m on a deadline for someone.”</span></p><p>
  <span>Jungkook’s felt the fight drain out of him, and he hated it. He hated it all because Taehyung was making sense, and deep down Jungkook knew that he loved him enough to admit it, “Is there nothing I can do?” He whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish there was.” Taehyung’s eyes started to fill with tears, “Please, let me be selfish, Jungkook-ah. Doing this for you is the only way I can do this for me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook closed his eyes, knowing that looking at him would make it impossible to say the words, “You know I love you. All I want is for you to be better, and if being together is not helping you do that, then maybe you’re right. We should break up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kept his eyes closed so he only heard Taehyung shifting on the couch and then felt his hands gently close over his. “I-I love you too—fuck,” he let out a raggedy breath, “I wish this wasn’t so fucking hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung’s head came to rest against Jungkook’s calfs and Jungkook acutely wondered how it was possible to feel such physical pain when all he was doing was sitting on a couch. But he didn’t open his eyes, wondered if he ever would again because he wasn’t sure how he was expected to ever move again and act like he was okay. How do you make it known to life that you are in fact </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> okay and need to take a pause? What was the point of being in the biggest band in the world if life would keep on moving no matter what happened to him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But because life doesn’t care about you and what you want, it keeps on going and eventually Taehyung sat back, and Jungkook found that his body was fine after all because he could take a deep shaking breath and open his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were tears streaming down Taehyung’s face, and Jungkook thought it was unfair for someone to look that beautiful while crying and ruining the best thing to happen to him, “I would...I would offer to leave...but I know you don’t like…” Taehyung gestured around and sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like being alone.” Jungkook finished. He decided to test his body again and found that it was still working, still managed to let him stand up. His hands were shaking but he pressed them firmly against his sides, “I’ll just walk to the dorm. It’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fine. Fine. Fine. What a stupid word. It wasn’t fine. It hadn’t been fine for a while, and he had hoped that somehow he could pretend it was until things were. But they weren’t. He wasn’t. Taehyung certainly was not. And it wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>fair. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It wasn’t fair because he had tried his hardest and it still hadn’t been enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t quite sure how, but it turned out he was a lot stronger than he thought because he was able to get his phone and wallet with Taehyung sniffling in the background. He was able to put on his shoes and grab his keys when all he wanted was to run across the room and plead that they stayed together until they destroyed each other. But maybe people called him the golden maknae for a reason as he stood in the entrance hall and was able to say, “I’m going now, hyung.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung watched him from the same spot, wiping at his tears messily and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>still </span>
  </em>
  <span>looked beautiful. “We'll be okay. I promise you, Jungkook, I’ll make myself be okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook just  nodded and used every bit of love he had for him to turn around and walk out the door. It wasn’t until he had taken a few steps out of the building and taken a deep breath that he realized he was still in his pajamas. Taehyung’s beige plaid pajamas. Thankful for the exclusivity of their neighborhood, he braced himself on a nearby tree and slid down slowly to a squat, letting the tears come and wreck through him. Five minutes, he told himself as the sobs crashed over him like waves, five minutes and then he would pick himself up and keep on moving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After what could have been five, fifteen, or twenty minutes, his phone rang in his pocket. Wiping his eyes with his sleeve, he fished it out and blinked at the name. It was Seokjin. He took a few more shaky breaths before answering it and bringing it to his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Hello?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jungkook-ah?” Seokjin sounded slightly alarmed in spite of the raspy tone in his voice that meant he had just woken up, “Where are you? Taehyungie called me and said you were coming over and to check in on you. He wouldn’t say what happened. Did you fight? You should be here by now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Closing his eyes against the phone, he relished the warmth that somehow nestled itself in his chest amongst the horrible emptiness. There were still people that loved him and cared for him, and things would somehow manage to be alright like they always did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m almost there,” He murmured, standing up and dusting himself off, “I’ll be okay, hyung.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He heard some doors open and some other voices in the background,  “Okay. Okay. I know you will be.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>II. Yeonjun</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In hindsight, Yeonjun should have known the maknaes were up to something when they all willing got up before noon on a day off. But when he woke up to an empty apartment and a text that the three of them had gone to meet up with high school friends, he didn’t bat an eye. Soobin was also gone, off getting breakfast with his sister, so Yeonjun was left with the rare chance to have some time to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The quiet was a bit eerie, made him start to get into his own head so he quickly made himself busy by taking back his video game and doing Beomgyu a favor by leveling him up a few levels. He played for an hour or so before he could no longer ignore the rumbling in his stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After rummaging through the kitchen and bemoaning the lack of food that they currently had, he was just starting to debate on take-out options when the door opened and in walked a wind swept Soobin. He looked beautiful, wearing a soft cream sweater and well-fitting jeans. Yeonjun knew that he always made a point to wear nice clothes when seeing his family—wanted to prove that his hard-work was paying off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyung you’re awake.” Soobin hovered awkwardly by the door, shuffling the bags in his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though they had been living together for years now, Yeonjun suddenly felt self-conscious in his 3 day old pajamas. He nodded a bit lamely, “Yup. I’m awake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cringed inwardly as he turned and headed back to his room. God, he just made things worse and worse for himself. It was like the minute he had made the decision to sort his feelings out he had forgotten how to act. And then he had gone and completely fucked up Soobin coming out because he was too freaked out by his own feelings and simultaneously embarrassed by once again being shown how much braver Soobin was. He needed to stop making things about himself, he knew that, but he was starting to wonder if he was an incurable narcissist. That or he wasn’t as mature as he pretended to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Taehyun-ah, I have your patbinsu!” Soobin called and Yeonjun whirled around in confusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re not home. They went out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin frowned, now at their small table, setting out two containers of shaved ice, “Really? He specifically asked me to bring him back some.” He pouted at his favorite dessert, “It’s gonna melt now, what a waste.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Taehyun, you little scheming</span>
  </em>
  <span>—Yeonjun sighed. Soobin clearly wasn’t seeing what Taehyun was aiming at but it was probably because Soobin didn’t understand just how hard it was to say no to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could eat it.” Yeonjun shoved a hand in his pocket awkwardly, “If that’s okay with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” Soobin looked surprised, and considering this was the longest conversation they’d had in two weeks, Yeonjun didn’t blame him, “Yeah. Of course. Here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He slid one of the containers and a spoon across the table, afterwards sitting down and opening his own. Yeonjun knew it would be incredibly rude to get the ice cream and go to his room. No matter how tense things were between them, manners were deeply ingrained in him. He had his mother to thank for that. Silently pulling back the chair across from Soobin, he sat down and pulled off the lid. Of course. Taehyun had even asked for toppings he knew Yeonjun would like without replicating his exact order. Clearly if being an idol hadn’t worked out Taehyun could have had a strong chance at making it as a detective or something, the boy was so ingenious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them ate in silence, and all Yeonjun could do was keep himself from staring too overtly. Soobin’s cheeks were still pink from the wind outside, his hair was tousled but on him it looked intentional. It wasn’t fair, Yeonjun thought, for someone to be so effortlessly gorgeous. Soobin was what every idol wanted to look like.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re staring.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun jumped, dropping his spoon on the floor, “I wasn’t! Sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin stood and got another spoon as well as a glass, “Here. It’s okay.” He handed him the spoon and then got a jug of grape juice from the fridge, filling up his glass without another word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun murmured a soft thanks and picked up his fallen spoon. He missed things being easy with Soobin, missed being able to reach out and touch him. Things between them had been so light-hearted, but looking back on it, he knew that bits of it had been a facade on his part. He hid behind the flirty and confident persona because he was scared of the depth and meaning of his feelings. But becoming aware of those things had only made everything worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pushing the toppings around in his bowl, he idly wondered if there even was a way to recover from the mess he had made. He was scared that he’d mess up admitting the way he felt to Soobin. He’d probably end up saying the completely wrong thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Across the table, Soobin had started a nervous tapping but Yeonjun ignored it, taking another bite of his shaved iced. Maybe he could write him a letter. Sure it was a little cheesy and there was the risk of it falling into the wrong hands—and there would be no coming back from that, he would simply have to move away and go into hiding—but it was practical. It would let him sort out his feelings and edit it for coherence. Was that inauthentic though? What other ways were there to say—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like you, hyung.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun’s head jerked up so fast that he got whiplash. He let out a groan of pain, clutching at his neck and trying to get a look at Soobin at the same time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boy was completely pink, “Oh no! are you okay?” He reached out a hand and knocked over his glass, sending the purple liquid all over the table and Yeonjun, “Shoot! Sorry! Sorry! Let me get a napkin!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Soobin fumbled around the kitchen trying to find the roll of paper towels, the pain started to subside and Yeonjun was able to focus. Had he hallucinated? He had probably heard him completely wrong. He’d probably said something like, ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>I hitchhiked, hyung.’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Even </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘We look alike, hyung’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>sounded more likely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With enough paper towels for a mummy costume, Soobin shyly sat down at the chair next to him, using half of his wad to mop up the table. He then hesitated for a moment before gently dabbing at Yeonjun’s sopping front.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soobin.” Yeonjun grabbed his hands to still them, “Soobin, what did you just say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin shook off his hold and kept wiping at his stomach, “It’s gonna get sticky...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Choi Soobin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally he stopped. His cheeks and ears completely red, “I said I like you.” He took a deep breath, as if bracing himself for something, “But It’s totally okay that you don’t feel the same way. I wanted to tell you because I thought you should know that I’m working on getting over it. I just want us to be okay again and I’m sorry if I ever made you uncomfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun covered his mouth with his hand, mind reeling, only processing about half of what Soobin said, “You like me?” He asked in disbelief, letting out an airy laugh, “You—you seriously like me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A slight frown appeared on Soobin's face as he push the chair back and stood up, “Well you don’t have to make fun of me for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walked into the kitchen and threw away the soaked paper towels. Yeonjun trailed after him a bit confused, “What? No I’m not!” he said, “I just can’t believe that you </span>
  <em>
    <span>liked </span>
  </em>
  <span>me all this time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin washed his hands in the sink and glanced over his shoulder, frown still there, “Why? Were you that convinced I was straight before I came out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, no…” Yeonjun answered truthfully because he had had a tiny inkling for a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once, before they had even been put into the debut group together, a bunch of trainees had been talking about Twice someone asked why they liked them. Soobin’s answers had been things like their outfits and their fun concepts. Meanwhile, the other boys—Yeonjun included—had talked about their crushes on the members and how beautiful they were. Ever since then the idea that </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span> there could be a chance that Soobin wasn’t straight had lingered in the back of his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drying his hands on a dish towel, Soobin studied him coolly in a very un-Soobin like manner, “So you knew? All this time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Knew what? That he was gay?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...no, maybe? I mean I wasn’t sure,” Yeonjun said nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, maybe you should have told me to back off then,” Soobin said, clearly very frustrated by now. He threw the dish towel down and then breezed past him to head towards his room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun felt completely bewildered by the turn of events. How had he managed to ruin this as well? Suddenly, he realized that there was one thing he had yet to say in all of this. Feeling a bit like every cliche K-drama male lead ever, he lunged for Soobin’s arm to stop him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait! No, Soobin, you don’t understand,” He said, “I couldn’t believe it because, I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words died in his throat. Even with Soobin’s confession, admitting it still terrified him. All of his fears and insecurities were still there. But he thought of what Taehyun had said, that people deserve to know that they’re loved, and that it requires bravery to do it. Yeonjun had moved away from home at age 15 to pursue a dream that was not a guarantee. His cousin had joked that he was practically jumping off a building by doing that. He knew how to be brave. He could be brave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin was still looking at him expectantly, hurt lingering on his features.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking a deep breath, Yeonjun leaped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like you too.” Soobin’s eyes widened in surprise but once the dam was open, a flood came rushing out and Yeonjun couldn’t stop talking, “In fact, I love you. I love you so much that it terrifies me, and I can’t believe I ever made you think that I didn’t. All I ever wanted was to be with you but you’re so </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span> you’re practically perfect and...I’m not. I was—am—scared of not being able to be with you and when I figured this out I took a step back to try and find a way to be enough but—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, Soobin who squeals with awkwardness when actors do more than peck for 5 seconds, who once didn’t believe he turned down a girl idol because he didn’t understand she was hitting on him, that Soobin, grabbed his face and pulled him in for a kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He missed, kissing the side of Yeonjun’s mouth. But Yeonjun didn’t give him the chance to be embarrassed or to pull away, tilting his head and fitting their lips together. And just like that, Yeonjun learned how to fly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin was warm and soft, he smelled like he always did. Like home. Yeonjun’s hands came to rest on his waist as Soobin’s fingers threaded through the hair at the nape of his neck. The kiss was gentle and shy, and Yeonjun wondered how it was possible for Soobin to kiss in a way so uniquely </span>
  <em>
    <span>him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Pulling him closer, Yeonjun deepened the kiss, knowing that he would never be able to get enough of this. Soobin smiled against his mouth and then pulled away with a giggle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyung…” He met his eyes briefly before shyly ducking his head against Yeonjun’s neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soobinnie.” Yeonjun smiled and kissed the top of his head, “Soobinnie. Soobinnie. Soobinnie, do you have any idea what you do to me? I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun felt Soobin press a kiss on his neck, and goosebumps broke out across his skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too,” Soobin said, pulling back and cupping Yeonjun’s face, “but also, I’m not perfect, hyung.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun leaned into his touch, clutching Soobin’s sweater a little more tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m selfish and shallow sometimes. I get annoyed at all of you, and I don’t always do the right thing,” Soobin continued, “I’m just doing the best I can. I’m not perfect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m…” Yeonjun swallowed the lump in his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re hardworking, passionate, determined, and driven. You go out of your way to make sure everyone’s being treated fairly. You’re also hot-headed, jealous, and impatient sometimes but you’re doing the best you can. Not perfect, but I don’t need you to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanna be what you need, Soobin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just be Yeonjun. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I already love you.” Soobin wiped a tear from Yeonjun’s face and it wasn’t until then that he realized he was crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I already love you too.” Yeonjun breathed and pulled him into a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The day of their debut had been the most emotional day of Yeonjun’s life. Years in the making, it had felt like he could finally breathe. Once the world knew about him it was official, there was no taking it back. But it had also been terrifying because he had no way of knowing what was ahead, he had only taken one tiny step in what was to be a marathon. Regardless of that fear though, he had thought that he would never be happier. He was wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Debuting had been the birth of a star, being with Soobin was a supernova.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually one of them pulled away and Yeonjun took one look at Soobin and laughed, wiping at his tears, “I ruined your sweater, it’s covered in grape juice now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin looked down. The cream of his sweater against the deep purple blotches made it look like he’d been stabbed all over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s hyung’s love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun snorted and made a face, “If you ever say that around the others, we’ll never hear the end of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin gasped, “The maknaes! How are we gonna tell them? They’re gonna be so surprised. Well, Hyuka knows I like you but he thinks you don’t like me back. Taehyun and Beomgyu though…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soobinnie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think Taehyun will be very surprised,” Yeonjun laughed, pulling his own sticky shirt away from his body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin didn’t look all that convinced but he let it go, suddenly looking shy, “What...what </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>we telling them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun considered it. He was on cloud 9 right now but he would be lying if he said all of his insecurities had just completely dispelled. He was still scared of everything that this meant and of ruining it. He didn’t want to lose Soobin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyung,” Soobin said, “I’m not trying to pressure you into anything but I never want you to hold back because you don’t think you’re good enough for me or something. You are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trying not to start crying again, Yeonjun smiled weakly, “Thank you. It’s a little hard for me to admit those things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can always tell me anything you want.” Soobin took one of his hands, hesitating briefly, “You know, this—this was my first kiss. Unlike you, I don’t have any experience with all this. I’m nervous too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun could tell Soobin was embarrassed to admit that. He was trying to be vulnerable for his sake. If he had ever thought that it was impossible to fall even more in love with Soobin, he had been wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care about experience.” Yeonjun paused and squeezed his hand reassuringly, “Soobin, I want to be yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mine?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d love that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They grinned at each other and Yeonjun used his free hand to grab Soobin’s chin and give him a gentle kiss. No, he’d never get enough of this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they were starting to pull away, the door unlocked. Beomgyu halted at the sight of them, causing Heuningkai to bump into him from behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit. Were you guys </span>
  <em>
    <span>kissing</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heuningkai let out an elated gasp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They were? Finally.” Taehyun said from the back and pushed past the others into the apartment, “You two owe me meals for the rest of your lives.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though his tone was teasing, he gave them a genuine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun smiled back before glancing at Soobin, still holding his hand “Beomgyu, we need to tell you something.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...so yeah...haha </p><p>Okay, but actually, when I set out to write this story I didn't plan to go in this direction at first. But as I tried to tell their stories and draw from my own experiences, I realized that you don't always get a happy ending because life hits you over the head and sometimes you need to put yourself first (Epiphany by BTS, and Midnight Train by Sam Smith explain this beautifully). I struggled a lot with writing Taekook's scene, so I hope I did it justice. On the other hand I had SO much fun with Yeonbin lol</p><p>Also, this chapter is the literal definition of fluff and angst lol</p><p>Scream at me, vent, or let me know what you think in the comments (I'm so so curious on what you thought)</p><p>and finally, note that there's still one more chapter to go ;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Six Years Later</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So I tried to calculate BTS' military service around my headcanon that they would go in twos + JK and this is what I came up with for reference:<br/>2021: Yoongi &amp; Jin enlist<br/>2022: Namjoon &amp; Hobi enlist<br/>2023: Yoongi &amp; Jin come back, Tae &amp; Jimin enlist<br/>2024: Namjoon &amp; Hobi come back, Jungkook enlists<br/>2025: Tae &amp; Jimin come back<br/>2026: Jungkook comes back, band is back together. This when this chapter takes place.</p><p>Also, I wrote this before they approved the law to let them delay it so we're gonna stick with this haha. This a long one, I hope you guys enjoy it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I cannot believe you forgot your wallet in the office.” Yoongi grumbled as they sped walked down the brightly lit corridors, “We’re gonna be late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoseok scoffed but still pulled open a hallway door for Yoongi, “It’s your fault! If you hadn’t rushed me so much I would’ve had more time to get my things together!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t rush you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did! You sent me like 50 messages telling me to hurry up or that you would leave without me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>gonna leave you, you dork. You know that, so it's </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> fault!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They came to halt in front of the artist lounge and Hoseok gave him a skeptical look. Yoongi sort of had a point, he was always all bark and no bite but Hoseok wasn’t about to concede. Yoongi just rolled his eyes at him and opened the door. He was only a few steps into the room before he came to an amused halt, pulling Hoseok up short behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Choi Soobin and Choi Yeonjun had been kissing against the counter but immediately leapt apart when the two of them walked in. They were now standing a foot apart and looking absolutely mortified. It was pretty amusing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah! Hyungs. Sorry! Sorry!” Soobin said, bobbing into multiple shallow bows, his face completely pink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoongi waved him off but Hoseok looked between the two curiously, “Ah so you two </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>dating! Right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun rubbed his neck sheepishly, “Um, yes. Sorry about that. We’ll be more careful.” He bowed politely too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though they had all known each other for quite a few years now, the younger group was still shy around them. It definitely didn’t help that as they were starting to get comfortable, Bangtan had fragmented and had been in multiple states of hiatus. By his own part, Hoseok had been busy pursuing different projects outside of music so he didn’t spend as much time in the agency building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, don’t apologize!” Hoseok beamed at them, “That’s so cute! How long has it been?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin giggled and bowed shyly again, “Thank you. About five years?” He looked at Yeonjun who nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow! Seriously?! I can’t believe I didn’t know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew already.” Yoongi raised his eyebrows at Hoseok, “This is old news Hobi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, you did?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told Yoongi-hyung when he produced a song for my solo album,” Yeonjun offered helpfully, moving back to Soobin’s side, “I think you were in the military then, hyung.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoseok nodded, he had a vague idea of the song Yeonjun was talking about. “Oh yeah, that song! The choreography was so cool, I remember that one move that went viral.” He attempted to do it, rolling his hips and shoulders but it was probably not even close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The younger boys both laughed. “Yeah!” Yeonjun grinned, slinging an arm around Soobin’s shoulders, “I actually came up with that choreo myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Hoseok said, now more intrigued. He’d been looking for more choreographers for the program he was working on and he’d always like Yeonjun’s style. “Listen, how’s your schedule looking in —”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate to interrupt but weren’t we in a rush, Hope-ah? Your wallet? Us being late?” Yoongi grabbed Hoseok’s shoulder’s and pointed him towards the table, “Isn't that it, over there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” He dashed towards it and pocketed it. “Sorry, we gotta go but it was good to see you two! You’re super cute and love is love but don’t make out in the office.” He gave them two thumbs up as Yoongi gave them a lazy wave goodbye and shepherded him towards the door, “Also! Yeonjun I’ll be in touch, I have a question for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you! I’ll look forward to it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door shut behind them and they started a brisk walk towards the elevators. “Ah, young love.” Hoseok exclaimed, checking his watch before picking up the pace a little more, “doesn’t it make you nostalgic?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They came to a stop in front of the elevators. “No.” Yoongi deadpanned, pushing the down button. “At their age I was still trying to get over you. It was kinda miserable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoseok felt his heart squeeze and wave of guilt wash over him though he knew he had no reason to feel that way. Back then Yoongi had never put any pressure on him to reciprocate his feelings. Even after he had accidentally confessed and Hoseok had rejected him (Yoongi had been completely drunk, days away from enlisting and didn’t remember the next morning. Hoseok had let him pretend it didn’t happen) they had remained friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” He said gently. The doors opened and they stepped inside. Hoseok waited for the doors to close before taking his hand gently, “You know I wish I could have loved you sooner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like ice melting, Yoongi broke out into a soft smile, “You love me now, that’s what matters, Seok-ah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoseok beamed back, “I do.” He leaned in for a kiss but Yoongi dodged him expertly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not in public!” He whined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no one around! Just one!” Hoseok giggled, knowing that Yoongi’s pout was mostly for show. After one more failed attempt, he finally got to give him a peck before Yoongi jokingly pushed him off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stuck out his tongue and squeezed his eyes shut, “Eww! PDA!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything about Yoongi was so endearing to him now, that Hoseok often found himself wondering how he didn’t fall for him earlier. But falling in love with him had taken him completely by surprise. After they both came home from the military, they started spending more time together and one day Hoseok woke up and realized that the place Yoongi held in his heart was not the same as before. He wasn’t sure why, was it the time spent apart? The growth they had both experienced? The new phase of their lives? He didn’t have an answer, but he didn’t think he needed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re gonna hurt my feelings, hyung.” He teased, still smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reparations for all those angsty one sided years I endured.” Yoongi nodded simply. They reached the parking level and stepped out into the dim garage. “You’re just lucky I never </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>got over you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoseok laughed, “No, I think we’re both just lucky we’re blabber mouths when we get drunk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The car they were taking was idling only a few feet away from the elevators. Yoongi had insisted that they call one instead of driving, not wanting to deal with parking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they made their way to it, Hoseok reached out to grab Yoongi’s arm, suddenly reminded of where they were going, “Hey. Do you wanna tell the others tonight? About us? It’ll be the first time in a while that all seven of us will be together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoongi glanced back and considered it. “Well, it’s JK’s night. I don’t wanna steal the thunder. It hasn’t been that long anyways, they won’t get upset if we hold off a little longer. We can tell them another night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay!” Hoseok slapped his ass as they reached the car, “I hope you can keep your hands to yourself then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not the one with the problem!”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“Hueningkai, no don’t touch that!” Taehyun called desperately, from where he sat on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>CRASH! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Hueningkai gave him a sheepish look, hands hovering in mid-air, before bending down to retrieve the speaker he had knocked over. Thankfully, it still looked to be in one piece. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I was trying to help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. But I told you to stick to those boxes there.” Taehyun nodded to the small stack of boxes at the base of an empty shelf, a safe distance away from the desk filled with expensive audio equipment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Okay.” Hueningkai crossed the room and got to work on opening the one closest to him. Setting things up on a shelf wasn’t as exciting as helping layout the cool technology but he knew when to accept defeat. After eyeing him for a few more moments, Taehyun got back to carefully coiling and taping down cords behind the desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hueningkai got to work on taking out various miscellaneous objects and carefully arranging them on the shelf. He didn’t know much about design but thankfully Taehyun’s taste for decoration leaned towards practical and minimal so there weren’t too many ways to make things look bad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s gonna look great Taehyun-ah. I can’t believe this whole studio’s yours.” He said a few minutes later as he started on a new box.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I don’t think I’ll ever leave, I love it so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well with all this equipment I fully expect you to write and produce our next album entirely on your own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyun laughed, not visible from where he knelt behind the sturdy black desk, “No way. You would all hate me at the end of it. Plus, I still got a lot to learn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe, but I know you didn’t get this giant room for no reason.” Heuningkai said, now lining up some photo frames, several of which featured himself and the other members. Pausing at one from their debut showcase, he smiled to himself before placing it in the center.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another quality of Taehyun’s taste: nostalgia. It was a charming thing about him though, it made you feel special, being part of memories that someone wanted to cherish. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hueningkai was just starting to get side-tracked by the bubble wrap when a phone buzzed on the small couch a few feet away from him, making him jump.  Unsure of whether it was his or Taehyun’s, he walked over to check it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tyun, it’s your </span>
  <em>
    <span>boyfriend!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he sing-songed because some things never changed and he was still a little shit sometimes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crawling out from behind the desk, Taehyun gave him a flat look, “He’s not my boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but you want him to be.” Hueningkai tossed him the phone before flopping down on the couch and picking up his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyun didn’t deny it, catching the device and sitting back on his heels, “I do...I’m thinking of asking him next time we go on a date but I don’t think that’ll happen anytime soon. He’s so busy right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s doing back-up for Enhypen’s next comeback right?” Hueningkai asked, trying to recall what information Taehyun had shared of the dancer he was currently seeing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I wish he was still working with us though.” The other boy pouted as he unlocked his phone but whatever message his not-boyfriend had sent him made him quickly break out into a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Resting the childish urge to roll his eyes, Hueningkai opened twitter to mindlessly scroll. He was a loyal friend, had endured plenty of Taehyun’s agonizing when they first met their then back-up dancer for tour and offered whatever limited advice he could in terms of pursuing, had even helped him plan covert dates across the different countries they had visited, but he still reserved the right to jokingly gag when Taehyun turned all heart-eyes and mushy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was because he himself had no real interest in all the romance stuff. A simple fact he’d come to terms with years ago after realizing that unlike others, he was fully satisfied with just the love of his friends and family, and that also unlike his severe hoodie obsession, it was not really gonna be a phase he was gonna grow out of. The members picked up on it too, eventually stopped offering to set him up or asking who he found handsome or beautiful at idol events. It made him glad that they never made a big deal of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing at a meme from Seokjin’s latest variety appearance, he sent the tweet to the TXT  group chat before swiping out of the app and tossing his phone aside. It was getting late and Hueningkai was starting to consider whether Taehyun would let him take a nap on his new couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, I wish we could go home already.” Taehyun spoke up as if he had read his mind, still typing away on his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but we still have that interview with...what was the show called again?” Hueningkai replied, settling further back on the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dunno. All the American talk shows blur together. The time difference sucks though, doing it live is a pain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Letting out a loud yawn, Hueningkai took a moment to reply, closing his eyes, “The manager-hyungs said it was a big deal though...that she flew out all the way here to interview us...especially since it’s live.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe. Hey!” A roll of electrical tape hit him straight in the stomach, making him jolt up, “Don’t fall asleep Kai, we have hair and make-up in like 5 minutes.” Taehyun said warningly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So that means I have 5 minutes to sleep.” Hueningkai threw the tape back, unintentionally getting Taehyun right on the crotch. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“It’s soo cold! I’m gonna catch hypothermia and die!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not gonna—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m too cute to die, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you should’ve dressed warmer then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dressed for dinner, not a night walk!” Jimin shot a glare at Namjoon. He was only wearing a thin, black, shimmery sweater and had his arms wrapped tightly around himself. Every so often he would shiver slightly and press closer to Seokjin, who was walking on the other side of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A particularly strong gust of wind blew their hair back and Jimin let out another whine but before he could complain, Seokjin beat him to it, “Namjoon, you have lost your driving privileges for a year! You are never taking us anywhere ever again. I’ll personally call up your driver myself and tell him he’s back on full-time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Namjoon shrunk sheepishly into himself and decided not to answer because it was kinda his fault they were in this situation in the first place. Ever since he’d gotten his license, he’d been a little excited (read: obsessed) with driving himself places. It was fun! And he wanted the practice to catch up on all the years he’d missed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So when making plans for tonight, he’d offered to swing by and pick up Jimin and Seokjin from their apartments since they lived closest to him. In fact, he’d insisted. They had agreed but between the three of them no one had bothered to check on the parking situation of the restaurant they were going to. And so they had been in for a surprise when they arrived and found that the nearest parking lot was three full blocks away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was below 40 degrees and only Namjoon had bothered to bring a jacket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Privately, he was kind of enjoying the walk. Seoul was beautiful at night. Underneath the cover of darkness, half hidden by masks and hats, they were able to walk freely without anyone looking at them twice. It was a simple luxury they seldom got to enjoy nowadays.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Humming a mellow tune to himself, he slid his hands from his pants pocket and into his jacket, startled to find a small pile of hand warmers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, Seri slid a couple of these in my pocket right before I left. I forgot.” He took out four and held them up to his bandmates.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jimin just fixed him with a murderous glare before snatching two of them. Seokjin tsked as he took the remaining two. “As always, your wife is your better half Namjoon-ah.” He said, hurriedly tearing open the plastic wrapper, “She’s truly a saint.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, noona’s great.” Jimin chirped, holding the warmers up against his neck, “But I’m still mad you got married while I was on base.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry but we eloped, Jimin-ah.” Namjoon apologized for what was probably the 100th time since.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which is </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But I told you I would never let it go.” He replied. “The only small comfort I have is that Tae and Jungkook weren’t there either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was there.” Seokjin grinned devilishly, “I sent you photos didn’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jimin narrowed his eyes, “You did. But as far as wedding shots go, they don’t compare to </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>lovely ‘We Got Married’ episode that aired last night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“YOU — you all promised not to watch that!” Seokjin exclaimed in horror, turning to Namjoon accusingly who held up his hands placidly. He hadn't seen it — only heard snippets as Seri watched it in the background.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oooh, Oppa, you look so good in black,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jimin said in a high pitched voice that pretty convincingly mimicked the one of the actress who had starred alongside Seokjin. He turned to walk backwards a few steps ahead of them, holding his fists to his face and pouting. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I can’t believe how handsome you are.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t make fun of her!” Seokjin chastised, his ears prominently red even in the low street-light. He aimed a swat at Jimin but he dodged it, speeding up his steps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jimin continued, his voice now dropping into a gruff tone that Namjoon supposed was meant to be Seokjin’s. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh—uh, thanks. You’re—uh—pretty too.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come here — Jimin-ah!” Seokjin tried to grab Jimin but the other burst into a run down the block, bursting with laughter. “Don’t make me chase after you!” Seokjin called but still started to jog after him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Namjoon was just about to remind them not call each other’s name too loudly when his phone rang. He fished it out of his pocket, still eyeing their silhouettes. It was Seri.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, sweetheart,” He smiled automatically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Joonie, I’m sorry to interrupt but I had to tell you,” her voice sounded bright and excited even over the phone. Namjoon thought it more beautiful than any song he had ever written. “I think he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>kicking.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His breath caught and he came to halt, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Really?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so! I mean I have no idea what it feels like, but I think this is it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow! I’m sorry I’m not there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, enjoy your night. I know you’ve been looking forward to it.” He heard her rustling in what he presumed was their bed, “It’ll happen again anyways.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” He repeated, scrubbing a hand through his hair, “Our baby. Kicking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I know!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>She said enthusiastically, as if it was the most miraculous thing to ever happen but be fair, it definitely was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes, Namjoon had a hard time believing he was able to have her in his life because of the sheer amount of joy she brought him. It almost seemed unfair for one person to be as happy as he was. “I love you, Seri.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, Joon. I’ll let you go now, give Kook a hug for me and invite him to dinner, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” He nodded and started to walk again, “Rest up. I’ll message you when I’m heading home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, bye-bye—remember, don’t let it slip yet!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t! Bye, sweetheart.” Namjoon hung up and giggled to himself like an idiot. He was absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>bursting </span>
  </em>
  <span>to tell the members about their news. They'd known for a few months but Seri wanted to wait a bit longer to share. He wanted to tell all seven of them together, anyways, so he didn't mind as much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, sometimes he found himself smiling for no reason and Yoongi was starting to get suspicious, so there was only so much longer he’d be able to wait.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“Move over, you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin didn’t even bother to look up from his phone as he scooted to make some room on the tiny loveseat on which he was sitting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t have to check to know it was Yeonjun who slid in next to him, carefully placing a hand on his thigh—low enough to not be suspicious but high enough to mean something. It was a careful line they toed in public, but after so many years together Soobin figured they could become tight-rope walkers by now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatcha watching, Soobinnie?” Yeonjun asked, using the excuse of the tiny couch to nestle in closer to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin was currently waiting for his turn to get his hair and make-up done. He figured he probably looked a bit silly since he already had his interview outfit on but his hair still reassembled a blonde bird’s nest. Yeonjun was fully ready, evidently freshly dispatched from make-up as he tried to lean his head on Soobin’s shoulder without touching his face to his clothes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Troye Sivan’s newest music video.” Soobin replied, tilting his phone to show him the loading screen on YouTube. Yeonjun hummed in interest, stealing one of his airpods and placing it in his own ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them fell silent, the din of background noise making it a little hard to hear the gentle music of the video.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They watched as two young men met at a coffee shop and sat down to talk, eyes full of interest and curiosity, it was a date. The scene melted away and now they were sitting on a rooftop, there was only the briefest pause before they leaned in and kissed. Beside him, Yeonjun squeezed Soobin’s thigh as the video shifted once again. Now they were in a half-empty living room filled with boxes, dancing draped around each other. The music swelled and the lyrics continued to sing of love. One more shift and now the pair stood at the front of a church, wearing crisp black suits. The people around them cheered and smiled as they kissed, holding each other tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s his real husband,” Soobin whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The song slowed to a gentle melody filled with strings as the now-married couple waited inside a nondescript room, pacing anxiously. Finally, as the last few notes faded out, a woman opened the door, holding a little girl in her arms. The look on the men’s faces could only be described as sheer and unparalleled joy as they rushed to meet her. The video ended. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The song is for their daughter,” Soobin explained as he lowered the phone to his lap, “It’s about how much they love her and how she completes them. It’s charting pretty high on the billboard charts...you know, Troye Sivan and his husband went on a talk show together to talk about it. They also took their daughter to the Grammys and it went viral.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin was aware that he was babbling, could feel Yeonjun’s gaze burning into him, but there was a sudden knot in the back of his throat and he wanted it to disappear so he continued talking, “They post couple stuff on Instagram all the time and the comments are always super positive and supportive. People love them. They’re...so openly themselves.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finally turned to meet Yeonjun’s eyes and the ache he found there made him want to look away instantly, but he didn’t, because over the course of the years the two of them had shared so much, a little pain was nothing new. Familiar even.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soobin...I wish I could—we could—” Yeonjun spoke tenderly, somehow making Soobin feel like they were alone in a room full of people, “I...I wish I could give you that. I wish more than anything I could scream to world how much I love you, but—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reached up to ghost the back of his hand against Soobin’s cheek and all Soobin wanted in that moment was to kiss him but there were currently 6 people in the room who didn’t know they were dating (he counted, he always did), and being an idol had taught him to never lose himself, always be aware and be </span>
  <em>
    <span>on. </span>
  </em>
  <span>So all he did was lean into the touch and press the briefest of kisses against his fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Someday, maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe if they weren’t idols, if they were American, or if the progressive crawl their country was making turned into a run. Maybe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun looked like he wanted to say more but from across the room someone called Soobin over for make-up.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>In spite of all the years they had spent together, Taehyung still found himself quietly marveling at the sight of 6 (soon to be 7, be remembered nervously) of them together. It was a rare occurrence nowadays that they were all pursuing their individual interests. Seldom did they ever have a schedule that put more than 3 of them together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jimin burrowed deeper into his back and made him tune back into the various conversations going on around him. Jimin had clung to him as soon as he walked into the restaurant lobby where Taehyung had been waiting with Hoseok and Yoongi, claiming he was dying of cold. Taehyung suspected it had more to do with the fact that he had been tailed by an out of breath Seokjin who had been trying to aim a few hits at him, but he didn’t complain about being used as a human shield.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still can’t believe we made it before you guys,” Hoseok mused as they all followed a waitress to the restaurant’s private room. They had actually booked out the entire restaurant just to be safe on such a special day. “I thought </span>
  <em>
    <span>we</span>
  </em>
  <span> were gonna be late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you, Namjoon insisted on driving! So we had to park and walk.” Seokjin said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoongi shook his head, “Rookie move.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To be fair, you guys </span>
  <em>
    <span>were </span>
  </em>
  <span>late,” Taehyung chipped in, holding onto Jimin’s arms around his waist to make sure they didn't trip as they walked, “I was the only one on time. I waited for like 15 minutes by myself. I was so embarrassed. The staff probably all thought I was being stood up after renting out a whole restaurant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all laughed and Namjoon glanced over to give him an apologetic look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good thing we told Jungkook a time half-an-hour later.” Seokjin said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Because he would have had to meet Taehyung alone, </span>
  </em>
  <span>was what was left unsaid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The waitress opened the door for them and bowed politely, promising to be back soon to take orders before leaving. The room was cozy, a traditional table close to the ground surrounded by warm wooden paneling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all settled into their seats comfortably as Hoseok and Yoongi recounted a story of how they had caught two of the TXT kids making out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still can’t believe I had no idea they were going out.” Hoseok marveled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Namjoon passed out the menus, “It was pretty obvious, Hope-ah, dunno how you missed it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re nice kids. I’m MCing their episode of weekly idol next week,” Seokjin added, accepting one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, our variety star Jin-hyung. Did you guys see—” Jimin leaned forward on his elbows deviously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“—</span>
  <em>
    <span>Anyways</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I can’t wait to see Jungkookie’s face,” Seokjin forged on, “he was so upset when I told him only I was gonna be able to meet him for dinner. He’ll be so surprised—oh we should definitely order some of that shrimp he likes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the reminder of the surprise reunion they were staging, Taehyung’s stomach lurched nervously. He dropped his gaze to his lap, trying to calm down. It had been around 4 years since he’d last seen Jungkook, as the youngest had enlisted just before Taehyung’s discharge. The years before that had been spent carefully avoiding each other or being nothing more than casually polite as their break-up had been so fresh in both their minds. Because of that, there was a voice in the back of Taehyung’s mind telling him that Jungkook wouldn’t want him there. That we wanted to see all of his hyungs except him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But in spite of what had felt like the lifetime since they had ended their relationship, his feelings had never faded. Rather he had held them close, a guiding light as he had navigated the difficult plane of mental health.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you okay?” Jimin’s voice was quiet and gentle, grounding as ever as he slid a hand between Taehyung’s tightly clenched ones, forcing him to relax.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I—just nervous.” He murmured back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He misses you too, you know. The seven of us haven’t been together in years, we’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>all </span>
  </em>
  <span>meant to be here.” He said matter of factly, seeing through Taehyung like glass. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung nodded, squeezing his hand. Jimin smiled in return and leaned in to gently peck his cheek before turning back to the table. Forcing himself to tune in again, Taehyung noticed that a waitress now stood by the table, jotting down a list of plates Namjoon was reading to her. He hesitated, glancing at the menu he hadn’t even looked at. Surely there would be something on that list he’d like.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, I asked for your favorite,” Jimin whispered, patting his arm with his free hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung started to thank him as the waitress straightened up and made to leave but she hesitated briefly, bringing a hand to the earpiece coiled around her ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jungkook-ssi is here, we’ll bring him right over.” She smiled at them and bowed before slipping out the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heart hammering out his chest, Taehyung tightened his grip on Jimin’s hand.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Yeonjun was gonna have back-pain later, he could already tell. The seats they were sitting in were horribly uncomfortable plastic contraptions but all he could do was hope the interview wouldn’t run long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tomorrow by Together! Hi!” A loud, English voice cut across the room as the interviewer bounded in. She was a middle aged woman with close cropped brown hair, dressed smartly in a two piece navy suit. She looked friendly enough as she made a beeline for them, “I’m Louisa, I’m so excited to meet you! My niece is a huge fan, so I was hoping we could film a quick video for her afterwards.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She—Louisa, turned to a young Korean woman who had trailed in behind her. Her translator, Yeonjun supposed, but he was pretty proud of the fact that he had understood everything she had said. His English had greatly improved since their last North American tour. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few more minutes of introductions and last-minute mic checks, Louisa was settled in front of them, the translator just off-frame in case she was needed. One of the staff counted them off and then they were live. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The interview started casually enough, as Louisa introduced them and mentioned their latest album as well as their recent records. They gave the standard concept explanation and expressed their gratitude for their fans. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t anything drastically different from any other interviews they had had, even their Korean ones, so Yeonjun was gradually starting to zone out until he heard her shift directions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, we’ve talked a bit about you as artists so far but I was hoping we could now talk more about you as people.” She said, shifting the notes in her hand. So she was gonna get personal, something American interviewers loved to do. However, when Yeonjun studied her face, he was surprised to find genuine interest there. Like she truly was curious about them, not just trying to get a juicy sound bite to click bait with. It put him oddly at ease.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She first asked Hueningkai about his recent interest in collecting cameras. The whole group shifted in surprise at the question, as it was not an obvious thing Hueningkai was into—he posted it on social media casually, but you would have had to actually do research on them to pick up on it. But either way, Hueningkai lit up at it and started talking animatedly, occasionally pausing to let the translator fill in when he slipped into Korean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun was so endeared by the way their youngest talked that it took him a moment to realize that she addressed the next question to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Next, I have to ask,” And she truly looked as if it wasn’t her first choice question, “I know you’re all super busy so it must be hard to date, but Yeonjun maybe you could tell us about what you look for in a girl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That question. There were probably no questions he disliked more than the dating ones or the “what’s-your-type” ones, especially when asked by foreign interviewers as they had even less sense of boundaries. He hated them because he had to lie every time. He also hated when he would later see fans trying to make assumptions from any nondescript answer he gave as if it was the absolute truth. Yet, like many other things, it was a part of the job. Yeonjun was already opening his mouth to give his practiced reply (tall, cute, dimples, long hair—girl Soobin essentially) when he saw Soobin cross his legs out of the corner of his eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a simple movement, insignificant even, but it made him remember the conversation they had had less than an hour ago and the sad yet completely resigned look in Soobin’s eyes. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Someday</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he’d said then looking totally unconvinced, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Someday, maybe.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>But that someday had to start somehow with someone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later, Yeonjun could use the language excuse, or even the fact that it was late and they had already had a full day of schedules, but none of that crossed his mind when he folded his hands in his lap and said, “Actually I don’t like girls.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Behind the camera, two managers turned to look sharply at him, and a stylist's jaw dropped. On either side of him, Beomgyu and Soobin drew in a quick breath. In front of him, Hueningkai jerked his head to look back at him and Taehyun’s shoulders tensed up. He processed all this in bursts as he kept his gaze fixed on Louisa who simply tilted her head and continued to look at him curiously, “I just like people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my bad, what do you look for in a person then?” Louisa amended simply as if that was all there was to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun considered it, picturing the boy he loved so much sitting just to his right. “Someone who inspires me to be better.” he said carefully, pausing to mentally translate what he wanted to say next, “Someone I can be myself with. Someone who gives their all and who puts others first and yet somehow still doesn’t realize how incredible they are. Someone...who you can’t help but love.” He then added as an afterthought, “Oh and someone cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louisa laughed kindly, “Cute, of course. I hope you find someone like that, they sound lovely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well...I don’t think I’m looking anymore.” He finally chanced a glance at Soobin who was looking back at him, his eyes swimming with a mix of worry and pride all at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m glad then.” Her eyes flitted briefly between the two of them before she turned to Beomgyu, “Now, Beomgyu, why don’t you talk a little about your acting debut and why you choose to pursue it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that was that. Beomgyu hesitated only briefly, glancing his way dubiously before answering the question. Yeonjun was left reeling, not sure if he could fully process the magnitude of what he had just done. He could see the staff whispering and glancing his way around them but somehow the nonchalant way in which Louisa moved on kept him from escalating too far. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He might have just made the most impulsive decision of his career but somehow...he couldn’t find an ounce of regret in himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the interview finished in a blur, with Yeonjun not contributing much to the final few questions. After a director called cut and Louisa stood to thank them, they filmed a quick greeting for her niece and she bade them goodbye. Just as she started to turn, Soobin grabbed his hand and pulled him into the small crowd of people that had flooded the filming area to dismantle equipment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun only just caught a glance of their managers scanning the room before they slipped out the door and then quickly into a broom closet which Soobin yanked them into.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you just did that.” Soobin said feverishly, curling his hands around Yeonjun’s biceps. “And it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>live, </span>
  </em>
  <span>so they can’t edit it out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time, Yeonjun started to panic, “I should’ve talked to you first. It was kind of rash, right? I shouldn’t have—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soobin cut him off with a firm kiss, “No. You should have."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun melted, pulling him closer, “I should have?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They kissed again, this time a little more passionately before Soobin pulled away, cradling Yeonjun’s face with his hands. “Yes. I’m so proud of you. I will back you up no matter what happens—against the company, the fans, anyone. I promise you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In this small bubble it was easy to pretend that everything would be alright, but Yeonjun’s heart wouldn’t stop beating so fast and he couldn’t get the harsh look on a manger’s face out of his mind. “Soobin-ah...I’m a little scared.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too.” Soobin admitted, “But we’ll handle this together, okay? I’m not gonna let anyone try and make you regret it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Yeonjun asked, bringing one of his hands up to curl it around Soobin’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, hyung. You did nothing wrong. I’ll...I-I’ll come out too, for you. </span>
  <em>
    <span>We’re</span>
  </em>
  <span> not wrong. We’re just in love and we should be allowed that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But what if I just ruined everything we’ve—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t think like that. Bang PD-nim has always been supportive. He’ll guide us through this too. And at the end of the day, they can’t ban us from making music, even if that’s all we can do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun had so much more he wanted to fret and worry over but in the end he settled for pulling Soobin close and nestling his head against the crook of his neck. Soobin rubbed circles on his back, holding him tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stood like that for a few moments, and though he knew that that Soobin's arms were not bullet-proof, that they wouldn’t stop people from trying to tear them down and say what they wanted about them, he felt safe there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you. So much.” Yeonjun whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too. More than you know.” Soobin breathed and pulled away to gave him one more kiss before turning towards the door, “We should go back now, they’ll be looking for us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun took a deep breath, “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Soobin took his hand, “We’ll be okay, we’re doing this together. You, me, and the other members.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, just as it had been from the very beginning it all, they opened the door and faced the world together.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Jungkook thought it was definitely overkill on Seokjin’s part to rent out the entire restaurant for them to have dinner. He appreciated the gesture, but he didn’t think it was all that necessary for a dinner for two.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regardless, as he followed a waitress down a hallway, he couldn’t contain his excitement to see his eldest hyung. He was trying to ignore the disappointment still coiled at the pit of his stomach that he was only getting 1 out of 6, but they had all provided him with valid excuses. So as much as he wished to be reunited with his full family on the very same night of his homecoming, he was willing to settle for waiting a few more days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right here, sir.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and slid back the door eagerly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“HYUNG!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Surprise!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gasped and broke out into a grin as he did an all too familiar headcount. One, two, three, four, five, six. Seven, with him. They were finally all together again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unable to do much more than just stand there and beam idiotically at them, he swept his gaze over all of them. When he got to Taehyung, butterflies erupted in his stomach but before he could process any further, Seokjin was wrapping his arms around him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you surprised? We missed you so much Kook-ah.” Seokjin squeezed him tightly and Jungkook had to swallow down a lump in his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look so adorable with that hair!” Jimin squealed, hugging him from behind so he was sandwiched between them, “But it's already longer than when I went to visit!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, you two let him breathe. He hasn’t even sat down.” Namjoon called and Jungkook could hear the smile in his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, I can't believe you’re all here,” Jungkook said as he let Jimin guide him into a seat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course we’re here, it’s a special night.” Yoongi smiled and reached over the table to give his short hair an affectionate ruffle. From beside him Hoseok also grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your night.” Came a quiet voice to his left and with a start Jungkook realized that Jimin had sat him down in the seat next to Taehyung, who met his eyes and smiled a bit cautiously, “Hi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tae-hyung.” He breathed, taking in every feature that he had so carefully stored in his mind over the past four years, the way his hair was carefully styled, dyed a lighter shade of brown than when he last saw him. “I...I missed you.” he offered tentatively, holding his gaze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With the gentleness yet reckoning of a flower as it blooms, Taehyung smiled. Jungkook was only vaguely aware of the members watching them but he didn’t care. There were so many things he wanted to say but for right now, it was enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But before either of them could say more, there was a knock on the door and a small handful of waiters bustled in to fill the table with what looked like nearly the entire menu.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, I’m starving,” Seokjin groaned and Jungkook finally turned back to the table, his cheeks a little warm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait! Let’s make a toast first.” Namjoon cut in, grabbing his glass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pulling back the hand that had been reaching for a plate of noodles, Yoongi sighed, “Alright but make it quick,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In honor of our maknae being a civilian again, and Bangtan being back together. I love you guys. Bang Bangtan!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bangtan!” Everyone chorused automatically and Jungkook felt his heart swell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After that, they all dived into the food and conversation filled the room. And though he was eager to catch up with all of his hyungs, Jungkook really wanted to talk to Taehyung in particular. Things between them already felt a little different. In group conversations they addressed each other directly instead of the weird talk-around dance they had done in the past. They met each other’s eyes and instead of the overwhelming wave of sadness that used to crash over Jungkook and made him look away instantly, he felt something warm and akin to hope wash over him gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Four years was a long time, and they both had grown to be different people in that time. Maybe it was naive and idealist of him but Jungkook couldn’t help but hope that those two people could grow to know—and maybe even love—each other once again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, enough alcohol was consumed that Jimin was trying to bait Seokjin into asking out a waitress and the rap line was deeply immersed in a lyric discussion, so Jungkook was able to somewhat privately turn to Taehyung. He was still fairly sober himself as his alcohol tolerance had nearly doubled while he was in the military. He also knew (from one of the regular Tae-updates he extracted from Jimin every once in a while) that Taehyung had stopped drinking around three years ago. So altogether, they were definitely the most sober members in the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So...how have you been?” Jungkook asked rather lamely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung twisted the cloth napkin in his lap nervously but still smiled, “Good. I mean it. Things have been really good lately. It’s you know—” he hesitated, searching for the right words— “an ongoing journey but...I’m in a good place right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad.” Jungkook said earnestly. That was all he had ever wanted for Taehyung all this time. He was so proud of him for wrestling with something so difficult while leading the life they did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a brief moment of pause before Jungkook spoke again, “Are you, um, seeing anyone?” He blurted and immediately regretted it. It was too much too soon. He was definitely gonna scare him off. What if he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>seeing someone, Jungkook thought miserably, did he really want to know? No. Way to ruin things before they even—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My therapist?” Taehyung chuckled dryly and relief flooded Jungkook, “No, I’m not. I mean, I haven’t since we…” he cleared his throat and turned to his glass of water, clearly aiming for nonchalance. “Anyways, are you? I remember reading something about you and that one girl idol before you enlisted…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Jungkook denied instantly, “Well—we used to but we were never anything serious and anyways, whatever it was it’s long over. I haven’t seen her in years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jungkook wished he could say he had waited perfectly for Taehyung all those years but he had learned he was not as strong as he claimed to be. In moments of loneliness and weaknesses — when the aching pain of his longing became too much bear — he’d turned to the female attention that was so freely given to him. He was always discreet and ended things before they could get far but sometimes the media still picked up on rumors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew in theory he knew he hadn’t done anything wrong, in fact his members had encouraged him to try and see other people, but he couldn’t help the undercurrent of regret that ran through him as he looked at Taehyung. Jungkook wished he could convey to him that none of them had ever compared and that in fact he hadn’t looked at any man since him, but all he could muster was, “I...I never stopped thinking about you. About us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung met his eyes, raw vulnerability etched all over his features as he reached out to trail his fingers over Jungkook’s hand which was resting on the table, “Me neither.” He breathed, his feather-light touch charged like lightning, “Maybe...we could go get coffee sometime?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A coffee date seemed so simple considering the oceans of history and feelings between them that Jungkook couldn’t help but laugh. However, they had to start somewhere and that was as good a place as any. “Yeah. I’d like that.” He answered and flipped his hand to capture Taehyung’s, the touch still as familiar as breathing.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for reading this far! I have appreciated every comment, kudos, and feedback you guys have left :)</p><p>This story was the product of my indecisive self being unable to pick a group for which to write with first, but I truly had so much fun with it. I love all of these boys so much.</p><p>Thanks again to my beta <a href="https://twitter.com/jia__yang">Serena</a> for sticking it out with me, she truly gave me so much incredible feedback.</p><p>Also, follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/jjmncore">twitter</a>! I don't talk much about my writting on there but my DMs are open if you ever wanna chat about it and I always love having new moots!</p><p>Finally, I'm already writing my next story, so I hope you guys look foward to it :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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